I bought a house with a man who might be using me

I’m 65, divorced, retired on a fixed income and engaged to a man, 52. We recently bought a home together with only his name on the mortgage, but both our names on the deed.

I gave $15,000 for the down-payment; he didn’t have any to put down. Because I cashed in an investment to do this, I also had to take a loan to pay the taxes. Now the home I shared with my ex-husband has sold, so I’ll be able to pay off my loan, plus a credit-card bill. But my fiancé wants me to put more money on this house, plus his credit card, so he won’t have such a large balance.

I’d like to share some of this money with my two adult children (he has no children or family and isn’t fond of mine).

If I don’t do this, he wants to take my name off the deed so my kids won’t get anything after I’m gone.

If he should go first, I wouldn’t have a claim on this place, even though I’ve already invested a lot of time and money on it. He’s also pressuring me for marriage.

Does it sound like he’s using me? Bad Signals He’s taking advantage of you and behaving in a controlling manner.

On the financial and legal matters, you need professional advice. It’s worth your time and some money to put all this before a lawyer.

Then seek some advice from a senior person where you bank.

The main point is this: The money you receive from the house you shared with your ex has nothing to do with this man. If you wished to share some with him, fine. But your children are logical recipients of some help if they need it, from this house sale.

The fact that your fiancé is threatening you to not inherit any part of a house on which you’ve paid the down payment and are on the deed is a VERY bad signal.

Get more informed on your rights, then rethink the whole relationship. My boyfriend and I dated last year but it wasn’t a good relationship due to my addiction and mental health issues. He started dating someone else with similar issues very closely after we broke up.

Six months later, we rekindled our relationship as I sought treatment. We’ve had a much more stable relationship these past six months.

However, his ex won’t let him go. She messages him constantly and he plays into it by messaging back. I’ve said how much this bothers me, but he says he feels bad for her.

I don’t want to give ultimatums, but it makes me want to end this relationship.

I’ve put so much effort into my recovery that I feel I don’t deserve someone who values someone else’s feelings more than mine. Should I just break up with him? Very Hurt Protect your hard-won progress at recovery. He knows what you went through to achieve stability. Don’t risk it by accepting his excuse.

Tell him that you can’t sustain the relationship if the other person’s feelings come first.

He must stop communicating with her or you’ll have to break up and move on.

If this happens, make sure you have backup support from close people and check in with the professionals who helped you go through treatment.

Recovery is an ongoing commitment to yourself. Whenever challenges upset your stability, remember what you achieved through your own will and hard work. Tip of the day When a partner’s controlling your money with threats, get legal and financial advice immediately. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.