Red, white and not blue
This Canada Day, a man will dress up in a beaver costume and build a dam. The live stream, brought to you by Skittles, is offered “for the viewing pleasure of all Canadians,” and presumably not just those with fur fetishes. In addition to this retinal treat, the U.S. candy brand is also offering Canadians a new eating pleasure with the release of Skittles Red & White Mix.
In any other year, I’d rather wedge Skittles under my eyelids than watch a grown man in a beaver costume build a dam. (Well, unless that man is Doug Ford. That guy would be even more hilarious with a
log in his mouth.)
But on Sunday, I will click on this Semiaquatic Rodent Man Cam — for each view, Skittles will make a donation to the David Suzuki Foundation — while humming the national anthem aand kissing the ground. Then I will give my daughters a Canada Day Quiz, regale them with stories about John A. Macdonald and prepare a meal that includes poutine, butter tarts and Nanaimo bars. I will blast a Cancon playlist that covers Drake, Rush, the Spoons, the Tragically Hip, Blue Rodeo, Arcade Fire and the Box.
I may even introduce my kids to Nickelback, Céline Dion and Terry Jacks’ “Seasons in the Sun.”
Will they cover their ears and run out the front door in tears? Maybe.
But that’s a risk I shall take. That’s how patriotic I’m feeling these days.
And for this surge of gratitude on Canada Day, the credit goes to one man.
Thank you, Donald Trump, for trying to ride roughshod over us with hasty tariffs and unhinged insults. Thank you for breaking up with us for no good reason at all. Thank you for leading by dividing and speaking by lying. Thank you for cold-cocking allies and coddling dictators. Thank you for turning your back on the world order America helped create. Thank you for the jingoistic rants, the breathtaking ignorance, the uncouth manner, the hate-tweets, the press demonization, the pandering to bigotry, the shredding of social mores.
Thank you for helping me to stop taking Canada for granted.
Don’t get me wrong. I’d much prefer if we were not forced into a destructive trade war with our largest trading partner. It would be nice if this special alliance did not splinter into pieces after getting shoved off a cliff by a bully and a charlatan.
The other day I Googled, “Does Canada have nuclear weapons?”
You know, just in case.
But if there is an upside to our cratered relationship with America, it is that we can finally appreciate our relative stability. We can be immodest about our decency.
We can be grateful for a civil society that should never be taken for granted.
Sure, we have our problems. But these challenges do not feel impossible to navigate.
They do not feel immune to reason and compromise and clear thinking.
Ever since Trump became president, I’m not sure how or why, but I’ve fallen in love with Canada all over again. I love you, Canada. I love you, Canada. I love you, Canada. I will repeat those words this weekend like a delirious teen after a first date.
I always knew this was a great country, maybe the greatest. But like so many other Canadians, my patriotism was tragically an after-thought. It was never an active feeling. To feel too much national pride somehow felt un-Canadian.
Now thanks to Trump, I might as well tattoo a Maple Leaf on my chest.
Canada has never seemed like a better place to live. It has never seemed saner and more tolerant.
Now when I’m stuck in traffic, I don’t even feel any road rage.
It’s more like road pride: “Look at all these wonderful compatriots mostly getting along as we’re trapped inside our steel boxes that are barely moving. But you know what? At least we’re not locking kids in cages. We are not keen to roll back women’s reproductive rights. We are not going it alone.” I won’t lie to you. It’s a strange feeling, all this
Canada has never seemed like a better place to live. It has never seemed saner and more tolerant
red-and-white joy.
But this Canada Day weekend, as I listen to music made on our soil, plan a summer staycation and squint at a live stream of a man building a dam in a beaver suit, I will also give thanks for all this country is — and all that it is not.
Happy 151st Birthday, Canada. Now let’s raise a goblet of special-edition Skittles in watermelon, white grape, peach, strawberry and cherry flavours.
May your sugar high be matched by a sweet surge of patriotism.