Don’t talk to us about ‘nice’
To be fair to Sarah Sanders, there probably wasn’t much Canadian content on the curriculum at Little Rock Central High School or Ouachita Baptist University in Arkadelphia, Ark., when she was a student.
But to paraphrase the great Olympia Dukakis in the splendid movie Moonstruck, what President Donald Trump’s press secretary doesn’t know about history is a lot.
“We’ve been very nice to Canada for many years, and they’ve taken advantage of that,” Sanders said this week in response to the imposition by this country of retaliatory tariffs on some American products.
Canadians are accustomed to benign neglect and monumental indifference from the United States. We’re fine with that. That great American Al Capone once said, “I don’t even know what street Canada is on.” We liked it that way. But taking advantage of America? Let’s just say Canadian heroism in Tehran in 1979 in helping free American hostages, and Canadian generosity in 2001 after the terrorist attack on the U.S., not to mention Canadians sacrificing their lives in the Second World War two years before America got around to joining is hardly that. Let’s consider how nicely Americans have treated Canada. A lot of the time, what with you marching around ranting about “Manifest Destiny” or “54-40 or Fight,” we were never all that sure whether you were friend or foe.
“The unanimous voice of the continent is that Canada must be ours,” future president John Adams said when the American project was getting off the ground in 1776.
Benjamin Franklin once demanded the British surrender all of Canada to the fledgling United States.
In the unpleasantness leading up to the War of 1812, Thomas Jefferson misguidedly said “the acquisition of Canada this year. . . will be a mere matter of marching.” President Andrew Johnson said, “Comprehensive national policy would seem to sanction the acquisition and incorporation into our federal union of the several adjacent continental and insular communities.”
Secretary of State William Seward, bless his arrogant and acquisitive soul, said: “I know that nature designed that this whole continent, not merely these 36 states, shall be sooner or later within the magic circle of the American Union.”
Champ Clark, a speaker of the House of Representatives, said: “I hope to see the day when the American flag will float over every square foot of the British North American possessions clear to the North Pole.”
Teddy Roosevelt once fumed at Canada: “I’m going to be ugly.”
You’ve had presidents (Truman) who couldn’t trouble themselves to learn how to pronounce St. Laurent. Presidents (Eisenhower) who introduced a distinguished guest as “the prime minister of the Great Republic of Canada. Presidents (Nixon) who called the Canadian prime minister an “a—hole.”
You’ve had a congressman (Clement Zablocki) who, after hearing Pierre Trudeau address Congress, said: “Some members of Congress didn’t think a Canadian could speak such good English.”
We get it. You’re a superpower. We aren’t. You have 10 times our population. You bestride the globe like a Levis-clad, Buddrinkin’, rock’n’rollin’ colossus.
But still. We live right next door. We’re the first at your door when you need a hand. You’d think that would count for something.
History suggests relations between the two countries usually depend on how well the prime minister and president of any given era hit it off.
To be frank, other than Mackenzie King and Franklin Roosevelt, Brian Mulroney and Ronald Reagan, and very briefly Justin Trudeau and Barack Obama, things have often been a little testy.
Your guy recently came for a visit, behaved like a lout, and has caused petulant mayhem ever since. Nice? Don’t talk to us about nice.
The late broadcaster Knowlton Nash once asked John F. Kennedy what he thought of Canada and Canadians. “They’re nice,” JFK replied. We know nice. We made it an art form. And your boss, Ms. Sanders, couldn’t spell nice if you spotted him both the vowels.
Canadians are accustomed to benign neglect and monumental indifference from the United States. We’re fine with that. We liked it that way. But taking advantage of America?