A sudden death starts a family feud — over ashes
After Lawrence Caissie died in New Brunswick, his sister arranged the funeral and got Caissie’s cremated remains. Caissie’s wife in Ontario and their four children were left doubly bereft
Mary Caissie was devastated when her estranged husband, Lawrence, walked out of the psychiatric ward of a New Brunswick hospital and vanished.
That was this past January. Five months later, more bad news: the RCMP told her a body was found near Moncton was Lawrence’s.
Yet another blow came a few weeks later: She learned none of the ashes from Lawrence’s cremation would be going to her or their four children.
Lawrence’s sister Rose Caissie refused to give them up.
“We’re all very hurt by this, especially my little brothers,” says Chantelle, 27, the daughter of Mary and Lawrence, who lives in Guelph.
Mary, 55, a resident of Dunnville, Ont., south of Hamilton, wants the ashes. But it might be too late.
It’s unclear what Rose, a New Brunswick resident who doesn’t speak with Mary or the children, has done with them.
Contacted by telephone recently by the Star and asked about the situation, Rose said: “I’m not interested. No comment and leave me alone. OK? Bye.”
How Rose ended up with sole control of her brother’s ashes is unclear. But the situation has sparked a bitter family feud.
Rob Wintonyk, president of the Ontario Funeral Service Association, is not involved in the case, but said disputes over ashes, though rare, will probably increase as more people choose cremation. “You’re going to see more of this,” he says. Mary says she was willing to share the ashes — threequarters for her, one-quarter for Rose — and says this was the initial offer from the funeral home in New Brunswick that handled Lawrence’s remains.
The funeral home owner says he proposed a 50-50 split.
Coming to a resolution would prove far from simple.
In the end, the offer to share was withdrawn, and Rose got all the ashes.
“We went with the person responsible for the (funeral) arrangements, which was not the next of kin in this case,” Yves Savoie, co-owner of the Savoie Funeral Home in Campbellton, said in an interview.
That decision was made after consultations between Savoie, the RCMP, the coroner’s office and New Brunswick’s social services office, Savoie says.
“It was very, very complicated, and I’d prefer not giving any information,” Savoie says.
But in the absence of a will, under the law, a legal spouse or next of kin is supposed to have the final say on funeral arrangements and human remains, Wintonyk says.. Lawrence had no will, Mary says. Though separated, Lawrence, 59 when he died, and Mary were still legally married.
The Star obtained a copy of a letter that Mary received in the mail in mid-June from Alain Gallant, the regional coroner in New Brunswick who handled the case. It identifies her as next of kin, which she says further bolsters her right to his ashes.
The controversy over his remains is a sad final chapter in the story of Lawrence Caissie.
Born in Campbellton, N.B., he worked as a bricklayer, but struggled for years with manic depression, which may have played a part in his death.
He married Mary in their home in Hamilton in 1996. They had twins, Brandon and Bradley, now 15, Tyler, 20, and Lawrence Jr., 18. They adopted Chantelle and Kyle, 22. (Mary also had five children from a previous marriage.)
When they wed, Mary had no idea Lawrence had mental-health issues, but the day after the ceremony, she had to take him to hospital following a breakdown.
He was the “sweetest person,” she says — when he was taking his medication. When he didn’t, things went off the rails.
During a manic episode 15 years ago, Lawrence chased Mary — pregnant with Tyler — down the street with a butcher knife while she ran with Kyle in her arms. The police were called and Lawrence was taken to the hospital.
By spring 2010, Lawrence was constantly drinking and not taking his meds. He grabbed scissors in the family home in Hamilton and threatened to kill himself, Mary says.
Around this time, the ongoing turmoil Lawrence caused at home caught the attention of social workers, who said the children were being traumatized.
“I separated from him so I wouldn’t lose the kids,” Mary says, explaining that she was advised that if she didn’t leave Lawrence, the children could grow up in foster care.
A June 2010 court order for child support gave Mary sole custody of Brandon, Bradley, Tyler and Lawrence Jr. and ordered their father to pay $534 a month.
Around 2012, Lawrence moved back to Campbellton, and rented a room in the basement of a house owned by Angelina Johnson while living on social assistance.
Johnson, 74, says Lawrence was a very quiet man who paid his rent on time.
He found the room through his sister, Rose. At one point, they were both renting rooms in the house.
Johnson later asked Rose to leave, but Lawrence remained. Rose occasionally brought him meals, Johnson says.
In late December last year, Lawrence began complaining to Johnson that he missed his children in Ontario and wanted to visit them. He hadn’t seen Mary or the children in three years, but was close to them and called often.
“I said, ‘Go see them, Lawrence,’ ” Johnson recalls.
On Dec. 22, he and Mary talked about him coming. He asked Mary if she would pick him up at the train station in Burlington and promised to call back with dates and times.
But the trip never happened: A few days later, Lawrence had another breakdown.
Angelina Johnson says she went downstairs to put clothes in the washer and noticed Lawrence’s bedroom door open and his belongings outside on the floor.
Peering inside his room, she saw him “whooping and screeching” and muttering things. He had a knife in his hand, and he was in his underwear.
“He threw the knife in my hand and said: ‘Take this from me, I don’t want to hurt you,’ ” Johnson says.
She called 911. The police showed up and took him to the Campbellton Regional Hospital, which has a psychiatric unit.
During his stay, he was allowed out periodically. One day, he left the hospital during a snowstorm and didn’t return. A surveillance camera captured him walking away.
On Jan. 4, the RCMP called Mary to say they didn’t know where he was. In April, his case made the national news.
In early May, Mary was reading an online article about a body being found on the banks of the Restigouche River near a park, northwest of Moncton. She contacted the police. With her help, the RCMP identified him from his tattoos. Foul play has been ruled out. Mary says that around that time, Savoie, the New Brunswick funeral home owner, called her and got her verbal permission to cremate Law- rence, because his body was badly decomposed.
Savoie told Mary that Rose had made funeral plans while Lawrence was missing, Mary says. But when Savoie found out there was a legal spouse, he said that “changed everything” in terms of who had final say over the remains, Mary says.
A few days later, she spoke to Savoie again. He said Rose was laying claim to the ashes, but instead of a years-long court battle, he had a compromise: Mary could get most of the ashes and Rose the rest. Mary suggested three-quarters for her and a quarter for Rose, and Savoie said that sounded fine, Mary says.
Mary’s close friend Michelle Zimmermann was in the room listening on speaker phone and confirmed these details to the Star.
Savoie asked Mary to find contact details for a funeral home in the Dunnville area that could accept the ashes, which she did that day. Mary and Zimmermann say that when Mary called Savoie back with that information later that day, Savoie told her the RCMP had instructed him to give all the ashes to Rose and that Rose is the next of kin, a detail that contradicts what Savoie told the Star.
Savoie told Mary not to call back or he would have her charged with harassment, Mary says.
In an interview, Savoie says he initially promised Mary half of the ashes, if half could go to Rose.
“But (due to) some family dispute, which I wasn’t involved in, the one responsible (Rose) said no, all ashes will be staying in Campbellton. So I had to listen to the person in charge,” Savoie explained in an interview.
When asked why Rose was given final say over Lawrence’s remains, Cpl. Francois Côté of the Campbellton RCMP detachment said, “The coroner (Gallant) made the call” based on the determination of who is next of kin — a comment that appears to contradict the coroner’s letter to Mary.
Alexandra Davis, a spokesperson from the New Brunswick justice department — which oversees the coroner’s office — declined in an emailed statement to comment on the specifics of the case. But Davis pointed out that patients admitted to hospital must identify a substitute decision maker or next of kin.
Those details are recorded on patients’ charts, Davis said.
As the questions continue to swirl, Mary says she’s not giving up her fight to obtain Lawrence’s remains.
“I’ll go to court over this if I have to,” she says. Mary has consulted a lawyer about a potential case.
If she got the ashes, she might put some of them in lockets for the children, Mary says.
Her daughter Chantelle believes her father would be deeply saddened to see how the dispute is playing out.
“I know this wouldn’t be my dad’s wishes.”
“I know this wouldn’t be my dad’s wishes.” CHANTELLE LAWRENCE CAISSIE’S DAUGHTER