Blind date went too personal, too fast
Marta is a 27-year-old analyst who lives in Bloor West Village. She says “My look is demure. Practical. I try to blend in. At work I wear a skirt and a blouse, and at home I wear jeans and hoodies. I’m not into fashion.”
Marta says “I am confident, but I come across as reserved, even stiff. Like a caricature of a fussy librarian. But with close friends, I let my hair down. I can drink and talk up a storm. I’m opinionated, but I would call it ‘principled.’ ”
For fun, Marta likes to go to movies, cook, read books about true crime, travel and work on her French. Her last relationship was two years ago.
“I’m healthy and fit, but I’m not spectacularly beautiful. I have no illusions that a Ryan Reynolds type will step into my life. I’m looking for someone who will see past my imperfections, who will care about me, who is faithful and honest and who has a good heart. Good looks fade, but agood heart lasts, is how I see it.”
I met Christian through a friend of a friend, who set us up on a blind date. We decided to meet for dinner after work one night.
There is constant pressure on me from my family to find a man, get married, buy a house and have children, in that order. Dating has been tough. I’ve had two previous relationships that didn’t go very well. One of them disappeared after he found out that I outearn him — his ego couldn’t take it.
I saw Christian first, from almost a block away. He made a good impression. He was tall, and had a confident stride, and was dressed casually but nicely, like me.
I hoped I made a good impression on him too. I had gotten a trim for the date, and wore some light makeup. Otherwise I was wearing my usual business clothes: dark skirt, patterned blouse, and a nice sweater. He greeted me warmly, but I detected that he wasn’t impressed. I might have misinterpreted the expression on his face. I wasn’t sure.
When the server came over to our table, Christian ordered on my behalf, only asking me afterwards if I liked his choices.
The restaurant was busy and the tables were close together, so conversation was slightly difficult. We skated around the usual topics. He talked a lot about his family. He didn’t have any “baggage:” No kids, no divorces. My mother would approve.
I don’t believe in love at first sight. In my view, a solid relationship is like a house, and needs a well-constructed foundation. It takes time, I know, but this date felt like a good start.
He seemed impressed with my education — I have multiple advanced degrees and a good job. I felt like he was warming up to me after a questionable start, and I started to think that my initial read of the situation was wrong. He was smiling a lot. He had a nice smile.
Near the end of the date, Christian started to look serious. His tone changed, and he started asking me a series of personal questions, some of them about my finances. Do I own my townhouse? (I do.) Do I own a car? (I don’t.) He even went so far as to ask how much money I make. I answered in vague generalities and didn’t tell him anything too personal. I was stunned and felt like I was on a game show. He didn’t seem concerned or embarrassed at all, more like he was just asking the usual get-to-know-you questions.
In addition to being rude, he was moving way too fast. It showed me he didn’t really care about my work, or my family, or my feelings.
When he realized I wasn’t interested in answering him, there was a chill between us.
I wanted to start with a foundation of mutual respect, mutual caring and mutual understanding. He wanted the house already built to his specifications. I would rather live alone.
We said an awkward goodbye at the door, and he walked away. I went home and hugged my cat.
Marta rates her date (out of 10): 1