I’m still angry with my cheating boyfriend

I’m 22, with my boyfriend since I was 17. He cheated 18 months ago, blaming my being “distant,” which I wasn’t.

I was just going out with my girlfriends often. I was 21, I shouldn’t have to stop my life. Yet he always tries to validate his cheating because I was going out and not seeing him every weekend.

We got back together five months later. But the incident still makes me very angry. We try to move on, are good for a week or two, but then my anger sets in.

I feel I can never trust him again. I want to be happy and love him, but I feel crazy, like I can’t get past his cheating on me. My mom says he shouldn’t have cheated regardless of anything; when you love someone you don’t cheat.

Should I Move On?

Consider this: Had you found that he was the one spending weekends with his buddies and not you, might you have strayed?

In other words, though of course at 21 you were entitled to a life, did you gently explain to him ahead that you needed free weekend time with your girlfriends?

Did you reassure him back then, that you were not distanced?

Yes, your mom’s right, his cheating wasn’t a good move, even though he was reacting to his fear of losing you.

But then, you’ve been together since you were so young that maybe neither of you yet understood that you both need to speak up when wanting some normal changes in the relationship.

You wanted more independence so you could spend more time with your girlfriends. And you took it.

Now, you’re still obsessing about his cheating, even though you got back together. And he’s still blaming you.

It’s time for a friendly break. That’s a logical and noncombative way to give each of you room to get past this event.

If you continue to feel that his cheating is unacceptable, then you’ll have your answer about moving on.

But if you miss him and want to try again, then give each other one more chance. I’m a 46-year-old woman involved with a man online. He lives in a city two hours away. We’ve seen each other three times since the first date. We get along well when we’re together. We have even discussed whether one of us would ever consider moving if things work out. My problem is the lack of communication when we’re apart.

I do get almost-daily texts, but they’re very superficial questions … mostly, “How is your day?”

Should I expect more, or am I asking too much this early in the relationship?

Man of Few Words

Sounds nice to me that a man you’re just getting to know asks about your day so often.

I see it as steady interest, yet you see it as too little communication.

Let me offer a reality check on early dating: You hardly know each other.

Some people live by text and, frankly, it can still add up to a superficial relationship with each person simply repeating a diary of their day.

Meanwhile, this man gets together with you when he can and has participated in a chat about the future, which many people would run from this early.

YES, you’re expecting too much. Instead of chat, get to know him better in person. See where he lives and works. If dating continues, you need to meet at least one close friend of his and a close family member, too. Tip of the day Distancing and cheating are common relationship breakup twins. Communicate first.