Mom’s Canadian sandwich was a LABOUR OF LOVE
We asked for readers’ stories about the ethnic food they brought to school as kids
This week we’re running the stories of eight Canadians — the lunch they brought to school as kids, what made them feel embarrassed and what they would say to themselves and their parents now, in a series we’re calling Lunchbox Confessional. To see past stories go to thestar.com/life.
Immony Men, 35, assistant professor at OCAD
I identify as a Khmer refugee. I want to preface this story by saying how much I love my mother. The challenges that she must have faced while settling into this country is incomprehensible.
The lunch: His mom’s version of a “sandwich.”
Why was it embarrassing? My mother used to pack these intricate meals for me, like pork bone soup broth with rice or Cambodian crepes. It’s extremely spicy, and has a lot of garlic and a very meaty fragrance — I mean, ham sandwiches don’t have the same aroma as pork bone soup on rice. I was the only person of colour at my school, so I was embarrassed and ashamed of these meals. I came home one night and I asked my mom to pack sandwiches for my lunch. She listened to me, and you need to know something about my mom, and that she does everything with care. And for Khmer people, food is how we bond and show each other affection. Another thing about Cambodians is that we were colonized by the French, so baguette and pâté were in our cooking circle.
She did make sandwiches for me — they were baguette sandwiches that were toasted with mustard, ketchup, relish and ham, and then my mom would add pâté, like a banh mi, and then the processed cheese came into play and sometimes tomato, cucumbers, cilantro. She made these sandwiches for me for10 years. I never had the heart to tell her these sandwiches were not very good, or that I didn’t enjoy them, and for the most part I ate them. It wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t familiar with the ingredients; she didn’t eat a lot of sandwiches growing up. But she still made these lunches for me.
What would you say now looking back? If I could talk to myself or my mother I would tell myself to keep eating the sandwiches, and that the cultural differences are going to be there for the next 30 years, so be strong, less angry, and find allies.
I guess part of it was the pressure of being a Southeast Asian child and trying to figure out these defence mechanisms, and the other part of it was wanting not to be bothered in terms of what you think is normal in the lunchroom.
If I could talk to my mother, I would tell her that she’s doing an amazing job, and I appreciate everything she’s done to protect me and encourage me and raise me. But to ease up on the relish, ketchup and processed cheese.