Fascinating stories, but his solo act quickly grew old
Sharon is a 45-year-old project manager who lives in Moore Park. She says “I like to look classy and stylish. I consider myself poised and well-spoken, and am often mistaken for a lawyer or professor.” Sharon adds “That said, I’m drama-averse, and never interested in debates or arguments. People confess their problems to me, likely because I’m a good listener and not judgmental.” Sharon describes her home as “stylish and cozy, with a full wine rack” and says “I love entertaining. I’ll spend eight hours standing in the kitchen. My ideal date would involve spending time in the kitchen, sipping wine and prepping dinner with someone who is equally passionate about food.” She adds “I love museums, art galleries, antiquing, and off-roading. Really.”
In the last 15 years, I’ve had two long relationships. I’m continuing the search, but I find pickings are slim, and even slimmer when searching for an intellectual connection. I’m looking for a “forever man”: someone strong and intelligent enough to take charge without taking over. It’s a fine line. Women my age have modified our searches for “tall, dark and handsome” and will happily settle for someone who can make us laugh and has good table manners. And even that is hard to find!
I met Paolo on a dating site I’ve used a lot. He seemed funny and open-hearted in his profile and in our early messages. He also seemed fit and athletic, based on his photos.
My key criteria these days is that a man must be an excellent communicator, and Paolo could really talk. We talked on the phone a few times. On one of our calls, I asked him to join me at an outdoor concert. We both love music, so this seemed like a good first-date opportunity and more interesting than a typical dinner.
He was dressed nicely and showed up with some food to take with us. Big points for over-delivering, especially on the first date.
The conversation on the way to the show never stopped. He had a hundred stories, and each one was entertaining. However, about an hour in, I realized that while his stories were fascinating, they were all about him. He just loved to talk. About himself.
We got to the concert and settled in. Paolo continued to talk about himself. It dawned on me that he wasn’t curious about me, and was only interested in having my attention while he talked about himself.
Then, he shocked me into stunned silence when he started talking about sex — what he likes, and how often, that kind of thing. It wasn’t with any subtlety or inquiry as to my expectations, but rather just flung out there, on par with everything else he had been talking about. He didn’t seem to register my shock, or my silence. On what planet is this appropriate first date conversation?
It went on and on. After the shock wore off, it got boring. He was talking to me like I was one of the guys. Every time I tried to gracefully change the topic, it would eventually revert to him and his stories.
I was floored, but I also realized this was the third guy in a row who had talked so openly about sex on a first date, in runof-the-mill situations. All of them were articulate, engaging, successful, smart men who apparently lacked charm. Did they forget the language of romance after years of marriage and bad divorces? Or, did they want to make sure they get the “sex” part of their next relationship right? Or, do they simply feel that they have nothing to lose?
I gave up on participating, but the event still had several hours left. I decided to let him do his thing, and ended up listening to him talk about himself and his exploits the rest of the night. He drove me home, and we parted ways with a hug. I never saw him again.
Sharon rates her date (out of 10): 4 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com. Have you ever been on a great, terrible or just crazy winter, holiday or New Year’s date? Tell us about it!