Talk about kids suddenly turned rude
Lacy is a 42-year-old small-business owner who lives in the west end. She says “I wear trendy, dressy casual wear, and killer boots that often get me compliments from complete strangers.” Lacy says “I’m fun-loving, mostly easygoing, and I have a dry sense of humour — I’ve developed filters over time, and use them depending on the social setting. I also have a warm and caring heart.” Lacy likes “brisk walks in cool, dry weather” as well as writing poetry, watching live bands, and spending time with friends. She says “I’ve been single for almost three years. My dating life has developed more into just hanging out with people.” Lacy says that, ideally, she’d like “some intellectually stimulating conversation, and to share a few laughs and ideas about current events” with a date.
I was attracted to Rupert’s dark hair and dark eyes. After he messaged me, we bonded by swapping our lousiest and wackiest dating stories. He described meeting a woman who talked about marriage soon after they met, and I told him about the guy who brought me a funeral-sized bouquet of flowers, and no vase to hold them.
Soon, Rupert asked me out over text. I agreed to meet him because our chats were pleasant, and he was respectful. We decided to meet for coffee at a nice restaurant. I suggested the restaurant because of the bright and lively atmosphere — I knew that if the date was boring, I would at least be entertained by the restaurant itself.
We met in the parking lot. I liked that he was on time, and didn’t have any plant matter stuck between his teeth. A humble standard, I know.
Rupert seemed nice. He was also well-groomed, muscular and fit, tall — not that height is an issue for me. He was polite. He had seemed like a gentleman online, so I was happy to see that this seemed to be true in real life as well.
The first thing Rupert asked me after we met was which car was mine. I wondered if he was asking because he wanted to show me his own luxury car? Who cares about cars, honestly. I didn’t take the bait.
We had a nice conversation for about a half-hour. Rupert was articulate and seemed intelligent. We talked about his kids. It was a typical sort of coffee date. Then, he asked me how many kids I have — I had told him during our online correspondence that I had kids, but we didn’t get into the details. I told him that I have two, and I talked a bit about them, joyfully, since he asked, but then he cut me off mid-sentence to ask if they were both “from the same dad.”
My buzz was killed right there. I answered, but I was thinking “How is that relevant on a first — or second or even third — date?!” It’s really just a roundabout way of asking how many men I’ve had sex with.
He seemed shallow, between the thing about the car and now this. At this point, I just wanted to get the date over with, but, to be polite, I stayed for another hour. I started to feel tired. I was getting the sense that this was just going to be one date among many where I would miss the two or more hours of my life that I would never get back.
The date ended with a hug that lasted a split-second, then we walked to the parking lot, with me walking just slightly faster than him. I didn’t want to see him get into his car.
Rupert texted me the next day, asking to go out again, and I explained how inappropriate I thought it was for him to cut me off to ask if my kids have the same dad, especially since we were still basically strangers at that point. I didn’t show any signs of enthusiasm about the idea of seeing him again, but he told me that he thought he deserved a second chance. I didn’t agree.
Lacy rates her date (out of 10): 2