Kap remains jobless, we remain perplexed
Ah, it is that traditional time of year again in America. No, not natural disaster being shamefully ignored by the federal government season: that can happen at any time of year, nowadays. And yes, it is traditionally rapacious capitalism week again, when Americans devour the sweet, sweet savings at electronics and other stores across the country. Perhaps California outdoor stores could cut prices on tents for those displaced residents who are getting almost no help from FEMA.
But there are new traditions in addition to old ones, and the newest one is this: What Quarterbacks Have Thrown A Pass In The NFL Instead Of Colin Kaepernick? There has been time for injury replacements, now, so let’s see. We played this game last season, and here are some QBs who did not make this year’s list: Brett Hundley, E.J. Manuel, Kevin Hogan, Mike Glennon, Scott Tolzien, Tom Savage, Ryan Mallett, Chad Henne, and most of all, the dear departed dead-eyed Jay Cutler. May he take naked photographs for Instagram somewhere in the South Pacific in peace.
This year’s list, though, is new and exciting and a good joke, if you think about it. As Kaepernick has become a political third rail in the lunatic asylum of contemporary American politics for peacefully protesting systematic racism in the United States, one of the talking points that has attempted to endure among anti-Kaepernick arguers — what a great hobby, adults in the year 2018 — was that he wasn’t good enough anymore.
He went 1-10 in his last year in San Francisco! He had not had a winning record since 2013! Quarterback wins are always in the control of a quarterback! People who make this argument have clearly never heard of coaching, offensive lines, skill positions, and defences, so it is fascinating to encoun- ter them in the wild.
Unlike last season, though, this is the year when quarterbacking took its quantum leap. (Aaron Rodgers has thrown for 17 touchdowns and one interception and 307 yards per game, has a passer rating equivalent to Tom Brady’s last season, and is a distant, distant eighth this year.) Yet there are still quarterbacks who play like punters employed as emergency passers, after the first two guys got run over by Booger McFarland’s Monday Night Football sideline Boogermobile.
Yes, we mean Nathan Peterman. The only QB with a worse rating is Matt Cassel, who threw six passes and completed two, plus an interception. The Bills made the playoffs LAST SEASON. The Peterman era was really something.
So on to this year’s list! Passes have been thrown this season by 30 QBs whose rating is below Kaepernick’s career mark of 88.9, including: Brock Osweiler, Alex Smith, Joe Flacco, Blake Bortles, Case Keenum, C.J. Beathard, Jameis Winston — he stinks, folks — Cody Kessler, Nick Foles, Matt Schaub, Blaine Gabbert, Taylor Heinicke, Tyrod Taylor, Sam Bradford, Derek Anderson, the Peterman, and Cassel. There are also four rookie QBs below that number: Baker Mayfield, Josh Rosen, Sam Darnold and Josh Allen.
And for every Nick Mullens, stashed on a practice squad and then suddenly competent, there are the passers who get hauled off the street when a QB gets hurt. Smith broke his leg and Washington signed Mark Sanchez to back up Colt McCoy, in part because there are a bunch of D.C. people with links back to Sanchez’s best years with the Jets.
Sanchez’s QB rating as a Jet was 71.7. That is the second-worst number among qualifiers from his four-year span there, right behind McCoy, and just ahead of ... hey, Blaine Gabbert. Also, that was SIX YEARS AGO. Washington leads the NFC East at 6-4. But their season belongs to McCoy and Sanchez, baby.
People who know say Kaepernick, despite advancing a collusion case against the NFL, is still working out and still wants to play.
If he doesn’t win the case, it’s official: there is no justice in America, especially for Black people. So I guess whether Kaepernick wins or loses, he proves his point.