Upfront honesty leads to chemistry
A winter stroll was the perfect way to get to know one another
Leah is a 38-year-old physician who lives in the west end. She says “My style is ‘earthy’ and ‘hippie’: I wear flowing fabrics, bright colours, chunky jewelry and Birkenstocks, but I also spend a lot of time in yoga pants and hoodies.” Leah is “Intense, curious and passionate. I have a strong sense of my own social, environmental, and spiritual values.” She adds “I take living a purposeful life very seriously.” Leah loves “theatre, reading, singing, knitting, biking, running, swimming, paddling, doing yoga and lifting weights.” She says “I hate small talk, but thrive on deep connection. I listen hard and ask challenging questions.”
When I met Casey, I had been out of my marriage for about a year, and had been having fun online dating. I was not looking for a serious relationship, and was enjoying getting to know people that I may not have otherwise crossed paths with.
Casey’s online profile intrigued me because of its candidness and honesty. Most of his profile pics were shot outside, showing him doing the kinds of active things I enjoy doing, too.
I had read advice that you were more likely to get a response from someone by referencing something in their profile, as opposed to sending a generic message, so when I reached out to Casey through the app, I asked which lakes he liked to swim in.
That question launched us into a few days of banter over text, and then a long phone conversation. We hit it off. I don’t particularly enjoy talking on the phone, but talking to Casey was easy. We covered a lot of ground in a few conversations. One night we talked for three hours.
We were both quite forthright from the start. We had dated enough to know it wasn’t worth holding back the parts of our lives that might be deal-breakers. He told me that he was an addict who had been sober for four-and-a-half years and was living with his parents, and I told him I was a separated mother of two.
We agreed to meet on a Friday night to go down to the Distillery District to wander around the Christmas market: a classic Toronto date. However, the Sunday before, I randomly sent Casey a text asking if he was interested in meeting up for a walk. A walk is a great way to get to know each other, and it was a beautiful, sunny winter day. He said yes, but he had just worked out and was hungry and thirsty when he got to my place.
We went to a local French bakery. I watched Casey eat a sandwich. He had crumbs all over his face, but it was cute. He bought me a croissant. Then we went for a walk through Mount Pleasant cemetery. I was happy I’d worn a long winter coat and my Sorels for stomping through the snow as we made our way through the cemetery. It was so relaxing, strolling and chatting, telling each other about ourselves.
I was feeling a little shy, because it seemed like Casey had had a much more interesting life than me. He was full of stories, and I felt a little boring in contrast. But, he seemed genuinely interested in me, and I didn’t feel any pressure to be anything but myself. He was funny and smart and respectful. At one point, I noticed that a willow tree my son used to play on had been dramatically pruned, so I marched up to it to inspect the situation. Casey seemed to like that — he said it showed “fire.”
When we got back to my place, I invited him in and we talked more on the couch. He kissed me goodbye before he left. Or maybe I kissed him. I had never been kissed quite like that before! There was a connection. Chemistry is so important when you’re wondering, will this just be a friendship, or is there potential for something more? There was definitely potential.
I texted him on his way home to compliment his kissing skills. He seemed to feel the same way about mine.
Afew years later, Casey moved in with my kids and me. He makes our home brighter, lighter and more full.
Leah rates her date (out of 10): 10