Could Afghan Trudeau put song back in Justin’s heart? OPINION
If Justin Trudeau had any sense, he’d fly to Afghanistan with military extraction experts, surround the Tolo TV station and kidnap Abdul Salam Maftoon.
It’s weird. Until a few days ago, if someone asked me to guess where a Trudeau look-alike might be discovered, the last place I would’ve said was, “Afghanistan.”
That’s like stumbling upon a jungle cat inside the Tokyo Stock Exchange.
But if you’ve seen the headlines in recent days — “People Are Convinced This Wedding Singer is Justin Trudeau’s Doppelganger,” “Afghan Singer Finds Fame As Trudeau Double,” “Could This Man Be Justin Trudeau’s Long Lost Twin?” — you now know there is a 29-year-old contestant on Afghan Star who could slip into Rideau Cottage tonight and demand a batch of poutine without anyone asking any questions whatsoever: Yes, Prime Minister. I shall flambé the curds at once.
This is why Trudeau needs to bring Maftoon to Canada. This is why Trudeau ought to fast-track citizenship and offer Maftoon a job.
Let’s face it, we could all use a body double, someone who could assume tasks we’d rather not be doing. Man, if I had a look-alike, I’d pay him top dollar to attend the occasional school concert or go renew my passport. I’d give him a key to the back door and tell him to flop on the couch and just nod for a couple of hours whenever my wife wanted to discuss finances.
Hey, body double, it’s our turn to do the dishes tonight.
After you sneak in at 7 with the Palmolive, I’ll go to the pub.
But as much as any of us could use a clone, at this point nobody needs a fill-in more than Trudeau. Relations with China are frostier than Winnipeg. He is taking on Venezuela and irking Saudi Arabia. We’ve lost America. Europe rarely calls. On the foreign policy front, Trudeau is more extended than a Gateleg table from Ikea.
Back at home, there are pipeline protests and stern rebukes and disappointed sighs ricocheting from the lips of those once infected with Trudeaumania 2.0. Just before Christmas, an Angus Reid poll pegged his approval rating at 35 per cent, a plunge off a cliff from the 63 per cent during his first month in office. If your income had the same trajectory as his popularity over the last three years, you’d fully expect to be panhandling and living under a bridge by Easter.
One Trudeau is clearly not working.
But two Trudeaus just may save the Liberals before the election this fall.
When life gives you lemons, you’re supposed to make lemonade, right? Well, if you’re a world leader struggling to connect and life suddenly gives you a body double, you should make a deception cocktail and beg this stranger to take a sip.
With public training and some cosmetic touch-ups — in certain photos, Maftoon only looks like Trudeau if Trudeau recently got kicked in the face by a donkey — Afghan Trudeau could become a secret weapon.
Canadian Trudeau is losing the country. But Afghan Trudeau could energize voters with his sheer enthusiasm. So what if we don’t understand a word he’s saying? At least he won’t be saying “peoplekind” or prattling on about identity politics.
I recently watched a clip of Maftoon performing. It was spooky. He was wearing a striped shirt that perfectly matched a pair of socks I’ve seen on Trudeau. The way his eyes twinkled, the way his cheeks dimpled, the way he held the mic with his right hand while folding his left one over his heart as if about to give thanks to the Gods of Inclusion, at that moment he was a dead ringer for our leader.
Afghan Trudeau oozed the magnetism Canadian Trudeau needs to get back.
So why not send Afghan Trudeau to Beijing with a microphone and songbook to see if he can defuse tensions? He couldn’t make things any worse. Why not let Afghan Trudeau take over the town halls? If nothing else, citizens may stop asking pointed questions after they realize every response will be sung in Dari or Pashto. By his own description, Maftoon is “a poor man from a remote part of Afghanistan.” He is a father of four who values hard work and understands money does not grow on trees, even the dollars com- ing from taxpayers.
And with Afghan Trudeau sharing the daily grind — whether it’s posing for selfies or making a cameo this spring on Corner Gas Animated — Canadian Trudeau could get a breather and reflect on ways in which he might salvage his mojo.
“People have forgotten my name and now they just call me ‘Justin Trudeau,’ ” Maftoon recently told AFP.
I’m not saying Afghan Trudeau could do a better job running the country.
All I’m saying is the real Justin Trudeau could use the help.