I can’t keep up with my wife’s health fads
Q: My wife’s best friend is constantly following the “latest, greatest” trend.
She’s not into cults and most of her fads are pretty harmless, but she’s influencing my wife so much that we’re often arguing because she keeps wanting to impose them on me and our school-age children.
The fads become obsessions. Previously, we all had to be devoted to the high-intensity moves of CrossFit. Now, it’s a P90X fitness workout.
I do like to feel fit, but I just don’t like switching approaches based on her friend’s whims.
It’s the same with new diets. We’ve always considered ourselves fairly healthy eaters, but now she’s joined her friend on the keto (ketogenic) diet. I’m cast as the “outsider” because I don’t want to reduce my carb intake that much, and don’t think our sports-active children should be doing it either. My wife’s so caught up with her friend’s enthusiasm for these trends that she switches immediately and also becomes obsessive about them.
I’m certain that the constantly-changed beliefs in what’s the “perfect” nutritional regime is confusing our kids, as it is me.
Even my wife’s cooking style has changed along with her friend’s latest craze — last year it was the slow cooker method. Now it’s “sousvide.” We’re buying new kitchen equipment whenever her friend suggests it.
I feel like my wife is losing her own personality. It’s affecting our friendship within the marriage because she’s not the woman I knew who had her own personality, style and ideas.
I love my wife. But how do I tell her that I can’t deal with these frequent obsessive changes in how we live? Too Many Fads
A: Start with the love message. That’s what’s most important here.
Appeal to the personality and style that formed the person you initially married — how she thought things through, bringing her own experience and knowledge into any discussion.
Remind her of the life you’ve built together, making decisions as a couple to make sure you were in sync.
Tell her you do like to be fit and eat healthy as much as she does, and of course want the best for your kids. But it’s hard to jump to a third-party’s intervention.
Say, too, that it’s putting distance between you, which is far less healthy for your marriage, despite all the new exercises and diets. Reader’s Commentary: Regarding the woman, 27, whose two roommates’ hostility forced her to move (Jan. 31):
“I also went through hell — a shared-living arrangement with someone whose true personality emerged only after I signed a one-year lease agreement. Initially, my roommate said we’d split rent, hydro, cable/internet and common-use items.
“Within one month, she started hiding the items she’d purchased to share, using my stuff instead, and monopolizing the kitchen and living area. Her boyfriend was also secretly living with us, but didn’t contribute a penny.
“I documented what I could before I legally moved out. I’d advise the writer’s cousin to do similarly. I brought friends to witness the situation, took photographs for supporting evidence.
“The cousin needs to know that despite the fact she’s no longer living there, she’s still liable if something happens unless she can get her name off the lease.
“She needs to protect herself from people like this. Forget Facebook — delete her profile or delete them.
“I, too, was a gentle soul, but this terrible experience caused me much stress and anxiety and made me more wary of others.
“Move on. There’s more to life than crappy, immature roommates.” Ellie’s tip of the day
Fitness/healthy nutrition are important, but counterproductive to family health if they override the marriage.
It’s affecting our friendship within the marriage because she’s not the woman I knew who had her own personality, style and ideas Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.