Has the ship really sailed on summer romance?
Q: I’m a single woman, 28, with a great job with advancement potential in fashion. But I’m also madly in love with a professional sailor. He loved me, too, when we sailed a yacht for its owner around the Caribbean together (I cooked), a few summers ago.
It was the happiest, most exciting time of my life. We kept in touch and had planned to sail together again on my vacation last summer.
The plan was this: After he was to compete in the Newport to Bermuda yacht race, we would then meet up overseas and sail around Portugal and Spain together.
By a lucky chance, my fash- ion job required a brief trip to Miami. Since Bermuda was pretty close and the timing right, I decided to fly there and surprise him.
When I arrived and finally found him, he wasn’t too pleased to see me. He didn’t like the surprise. But we still spent a couple of days together before I flew home. The special magic between us was gone. He didn’t mention our summer plan to sail together.
Recently, he stopped responding to my periodic attempts to reconnect. I still don’t know what I did wrong. Should I just try to forget him? Heartbroken A: That ship has sailed. Or, at least the romance has. It was one of those magical experiences that only happen when both people’s lives are free to take advantage of it.
Now, with a job you clearly love, the ability to pick up and sail for weeks at a time on his schedule is far more remote. And he knows it. Through keeping in touch, he became aware that you’re on a career path. That’s why he didn’t mention the plan.
You did nothing “wrong.” And it’s unlikely you’ll want to completely forget him, even after you eventually find the one that lasts, within the life you have now. Q: My mother keeps finding a new boyfriend just as I get used to accepting the last one. She’s early-60s and very attractive. She’s been divorced from my father for years.
I’m 34, living the life Mom rejected years ago, when she left my dad and their suburban lifestyle. I’m happily married with two children, and work part-time. But Mom pursued a career in a time when it wasn’t easy. My grandmother moved in with us when my mother had to travel for work. I love my mom, and have liked a few of her boyfriends a lot. One lasted over seven years, another for five, and a third was only around for two years.
They’ve all been decent men who treated me nicely.
I’m just not sure how to explain their grandmother’s “relationship history” to my own kids, ages eight and 10. Mom’s Revolving “Partners” A: Kids today know and accept a lot more than we realize. Many have awareness through friends (and media), of divorced parents and grandparents, same-sex parents and grandparents, and several other family styles.
As a result, they’re pretty accepting so long as they’re secure in their home life and feel loved and protected by those closest to them.
Your job is to provide that support and also make sure that your mother’s boyfriends are kind and behave appropriately with your children when in their company.
Also, if others come along, tell your mother that new boyfriends don’t have to get involved in visits including the children, until you are comfortable with them. That’s common sense, not an insult or criticism. Ellie’s tip of the day A passionate romance in extraordinary circumstances is a gift, but not always one that can last.