Can you afford it?
Fancy cars on a small salary are among dating deal-breakers
Red flags were flapping during their months of dating: Only once did she pick up the tab — $50 for nine holes of golf. And the one time she had him over for a reciprocal dinner, it was pizza from the freezer with freshly sliced pepperoni to make it look homemade.
The 50ish indebted owner of three rental homes was “a gold digger, cashpoor and cheap” all rolled into one monetary mismatch, says Jack, a financially secure human resources consultant (who didn’t want his full name used). One year and a worn-out wallet later, he dumped her.
Conflicting money mindsets is a dating deal-breaker for countless singles. In a 2018 survey of 2,000 Canadians, more than two-thirds said debt was the reason for reconsidering relationships.
Fifty-eight per cent of respondents were turned off by payday loans while 43.6 per cent nixed credit card debt and 22 per cent called money owed to fami- ly and friends a romantic no-no in the poll by Finder, a global comparison website that facilitates better financial decisions.
Most people gave thumbs-up to mortgages, medical bills, business and car loans, but baby boomers largely disapproved of any type of partner debt.
With the prospect of eventually sharing finances, “it’s not surprising individuals view partner debt
unfavourably,” observes Angus Kidman, Finder’s global editorin-chief.
Count Toronto resident Octavia Ramirez among them. When her then-boyfriend Will started eyeing expensive cars after landing his first job out of university, she raised an eyebrow.
“If he’d rolled up to pick me up in a German-engineered Audi, I’d worry about that,” recalls Ramirez, 30. But he lowered his sights after her gentle prod, “Oh, are you sure you can afford that?”
The personal finance coach credits her husband of threeand-a-half years for being “open and receptive” to money talks.
Communication, which kept them on the same page in staying debt-free after paying off Will’s $15,000 student loan and credit card debt in just five months, has been “critical to the health and well-being of our marriage,” she says.
It’s also important for couplehood harmony, says Ramirez, founder and CEO of Paper & Coin, which teaches millennials how to stay out of debt and plot a financial road map.
“The more transparent you are with your partner about money, the less you’ll argue about it.”
But she contends that debt shouldn’t necessarily be a game changer in the mate market. Better to watch “behaviour and the way they interact with money in the present,” Ramirez says.
Kidman offers this example of a red flag: If someone with a modest income drives a Ferrari and talks about all their exotic holidays, they’re probably over- spending. People stay mum on money issues in new relationships for many reasons, including their sense of self-worth and fear of being judged, according to Kidman.
While he encourages partners to have frank discussions to minimize financial friction down the road, many couples fail on that score, an Ipsos survey for debt solutions firm BDO Canada Ltd. found last year.
Only 36 per cent of Canadians reported ever having money talks while almost as many confessed to hiding a financial secret from their partner, whether it was credit card debt or monthly bills.
BDO president Doug Jones has seen firsthand how hiding spending habits or debt from a significant other can spell trouble.
“Money issues are one of the three leading causes of divorce or separation,” he warns. “It’s important to be on the same page as your partner financially.”
Jones understands the reluc- tance to air money woes due to embarrassment or a feeling of failure. But he emphasizes anyone is susceptible to debt, which can be triggered by job loss, illness or death of a loved one.
He recommends monthly financial date nights with your partner, “where you lay everything on the table: earnings, expenses, debts, savings goals and any other money issue that is relevant to your life.” BDO offers these debt tips: If you’re feeling stressed or anxious about your financial situation, chances are you are carrying too much debt.
Warning signs include paying bills after the due date, making minimum payments on credit cards and using cash advances to pay bills.
Paying down debt calls for creating a household budget then looking for areas to cut back, freeing up funds to pay down the debt.
Feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start could signal the need to discuss things with a debt professional.