I might cheat on my husband
Q: I’m considering being unfaithful to my husband, though I love and respect him. However, long before I met him, I fell in love with a very famous man whom I’d occasionally see for a few stolen nights. He was married, and still is. Our “affair” has gone on sporadically for years.
He’s so fatally attractive that all he had to do was send me a message and I came running. Easy, when I was single. Now I’m happily married. The trouble is, I still adore the other man who wants to meet again. Both my husband and I travel for our jobs, separately. So it wouldn’t be too difficult for me to do this.
I don’t want to lose my secret lover and the special feeling we have for each other. But if my husband were ever to find out, I defi- nitely could lose him. What should I do? Unfaithful
A: There’s no choice anymore. Your affair was a starstruck flight from reality, when it comes to your feelings about this man when you were single.
Viewed in the present, he didn’t care about cheating on his wife then, and still doesn’t.
But you DO care about not destroying your husband’s trust in you. If he discovers that you’re cheating with someone “famous” (beyond his own attraction meter) and that it’s been going on for years, his pride won’t be able to take it. He’ll leave you.
You’ve had your time of stolen glory. Now, take joy in a happy marriage with a man you love. It’s to be treasured. Q: My fiancé of 20 years and I never married. We have one child together, and I have two older ones, out of the house. My granddaughter is living with us and I’ve been fighting foster care to get my grandson, too.
Recently, my fiancé said that he’s “done with the bullsh-t,” after a short argument. I asked if he wanted to call it quits. He repeated that he’s “done.” Now we’re living awkwardly in the same house. I’ve been leaving all his stuff up to him to do, like picking up his own dishes.
I’m unsure if I should let things go for a while, or end the relationship. I thought originally that he was going through a mid-life crisis, but don’t want to raise that and get into an argument.
I do love him. He’s a wonderful man, self-employed. He works extremely hard seven days a week, and I feel that’s why he’s allowed me to stay in the house. Should I just ride it out? Stay or Leave?
A: First, you need to know what “bullsh-t” he can’t handle anymore, i.e., what’s upset him so much.
Maybe, being such a hardworking self-employed guy, he can’t handle the expenses and responsibilities of supporting your adult children’s kids.
Whatever the reasons why they need you, and your heartfelt desire to care for them, your fiancé may just be overwhelmed. That’s not a mid-life crisis, but rather a reality check on what’s supportive vs. what’s too big a strain on him.
Instead of arguing, you need to tell him you love him and want to know what’s worrying him and how you can help.
Maybe you need to get a job, if you don’t have one, to contribute to the financial load. Maybe he needs more warm loving and companionship, in a house with two children and a third one possibly joining.
But you can’t decide anything without communication, so start talking about how you care about him. Ellie’s tip of the day
An affair when single is a mindless romance; when happily married, it’s a fool’s risk.