A coupon on a date? Why not
We might not be a match, but I like and respect my neighbour
Sonja is a 42-year-old “amazing executive assistant” who says that her style is “polished, neat and clean, but with some attitude.” She says, “I don’t splurge on many things, but I do splurge on my hair. You don’t wear a new dress every day, but you need good hair every day.” Sonja says, “I’ve been trying to challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone because I know that if I don’t, I won’t be bringing all that much to a relationship.” Sonja says, “My job can be all-consuming and 24/7 hours. It’s hard to prioritize dating when there’s always something to do.” She adds, “I’m very independent and I want to date a guy who’s good with that. Men say they are, but then when you can’t see them the next weekend, they sulk.”
I was heading out the door to meet my friend for lunch when this very good-looking man walked up to me. He told me he was my new neighbour and had noticed that the tree in front of my place was not growing straight. He offered to do the work required to straighten it.
He was tall and lanky, friendly and open. I haven’t dated in a while, so while my overall confidence is high, my confidence around men was low. But I felt comfortable with Tobin right away.
I didn’t know at this point, but my other neighbour was watching us from her window and was in matchmaker mode. She had told him that I was single and had been meaning to do something about the tree.
A few days later, he fixed the tree. It was a professionallooking job. Tobin wouldn’t let me pay him, but I insisted that he at least let me pay for the materials. For the next few weeks, we’d stop and talk sometimes. There was always a lot of eye contact and smiling. He liked my dog and liked to play with him. I think if you don’t like animals, there’s something in your personality that doesn’t match up with mine. When I meet someone online, which is rare, I sometimes ask him to meet me for a dog walk so I can see how he interacts with my dog.
Tobin eventually asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him. I didn’t know much about him, but I agreed. I was com- fortable with him by then, at least, even if I was still skittish about dating.
He told me to come over to his place on the night of our date, and we’d go out together. When I got there, he handed me a small stack of papers and said, “Your choice,” and I realized he had given me a stack of coupons. I was surprised at his choice of using a coupon on a date, but I’m nothing if not game. I picked one and looked at it. It had expired about six months earlier. He said not to worry about that, that they “never check.”
We got to the restaurant, a chain, and ordered. I was very nervous to use an expired coupon. I am not a rule-breaking kind of girl, and the prospect of being challenged was making me anxious. I would much rather have paid full-price for our meals myself.
We talked about our early lives, mostly, and how we’d developed our careers. I was extremely impressed with his work ethic and how he had made a great life for himself. He had started with nothing. I suppose that plays into his use of coupons, even on a first date.
However, he told me that he doesn’t watch TV or read the newspaper. I didn’t know if I could be in a relationship with him, but I was happy to get to know him.
The most important thing is that he was kind, and astute enough to give me space and time to get to know him before asking me out.
Tobin was right about the coupon: They didn’t even look. He paid for the balance.
He clearly wasn’t my type, but I really valued him as a person, and now consider him a friend.
Sonja rates her date (out of10): 7