Even the Grim Reaper wore a mask
Do the kooks rebelling against masks also have a problem with seatbelts, hard hats, winter boots, smoke detectors, parachutes, life jackets or any other product designed for safety?
Do they believe guardrails infringe on their freedom of movement, even if that movement includes accidentally driving off a cliff? When operating a blowtorch, are their civil liberties not trampled upon by welding goggles? How is a motorcycle helmet not a symbol of fear?
What are you afraid of? Splitting open your skull?
Now, look. I am increasingly sympathetic to the anti-lockdown protests if — and this is a big if — the protestors are truly desperate. The threat of contagion is no match for the reality of getting evicted or starving to death. I get it. If I didn’t have the luxury of working from home and was in lockdown as my kids wept and rubbed their empty bellies, I’d also be out protesting.
But while doing so, I would WEAR A MASK!
Personally, I blame Donald Trump for the anti-mask lunacy that has stormed the culture wars down south. Here we are, in the middle of a global pandemic, and the leader of the free world seems like he’d rather ride a unicycle in a tutu and clown nose before strapping on an N95.
On Thursday, Trump toured a mask factory in Pennsylvania and, once again, it was an easy game of Where’s Coronavirus Waldo? Everyone else is wearing a mask. There are boxes of masks piled up for the cameras. But here comes the president, his perma-scowl prone to microbe infection.
It’s like he was at a ribboncutting ceremony and shunned the giant scissors.
It was like watching him end a fire safety PSA by chucking a lit cigarette into the woods.
Why is Trump so averse to wearing a mask? Some have speculated he thinks it projects weakness. Others say he believes a mask gives a shout-out to the “invisible enemy.” I suspect his mask allergy is probably nothing more than straight-up vanity. What happens if that mask damages his fake tan or yanks out a hair plug? Pandemic or no pandemic, this reality show presidency must go on and the star can’t be hitting his mark like an extra in “Contagion.”
But as we’ve seen repeatedly, on both sides of the border, members of the Trump Cult take their cues from Dear Leader. If Trump said one way to beat this virus was to submerge your face in a swirling vortex of water, thousands of his fans would now need to be rescued by paramedics after getting stuck headfirst in their toilets.
The crazy thing is wearing a mask could be an easy win for the U.S. president. Let’s face it, this pandemic has been his darkest hour — and that’s saying something. From testing to supplies to strategy to leadership, Trump is Bill Buckner and this pandemic skipped right through his legs.
I spit out my martini on Thursday after Trump called testing “overrated” and noted, “If we didn’t do any testing, we would have very few cases.”
Yeah! And if we didn’t track car accidents, there would be very few roadside fatalities. Why don’t we cure cancer by unplugging the MRIs? If we don’t detect the tumours, then nobody has cancer. Tired of wearing spectacles? Stop going to the optometrist! If you never cover one eye and stammer while trying to read those charts, that lunatic can’t jot out a new prescription and — bam! — now you have 20/20 vision as you bump into walls or fall down staircases.
Even the Grim Reaper wore a mask — and he was responsible for fewer deaths than Trump.
It’s also been grimly amusing to hear some anti-maskers explain why wearing one is somehow a violation of their civil liberties. Unless I’m mistaken, the Declaration of Independence includes the line, “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” I don’t recall reading, “Death, conspiracy and the pursuit of recklessness.” I’ve also heard anti-maskers lament the “conformity.”
Conformity? You’re all causing a ruckus in the same red hats!
Nobody wants to wear a mask. When I twirl a bandana around my lower face, I look like I’m about to hold up a CIBC. But when I’m expecting a package, I wear that bandana as a courtesy to the delivery person. Ultimately, that’s what a mask is: proof you care about others.
Is a mask a guarantee against contracting or transmitting this virus? No. But it greatly reduces the risk on both ends. And until there is a vaccine, mitigation is all we have. That’s assuming a vaccine ever happens. Remember, after decades and millions, there is still no vaccine for AIDS.
But one of the first major public health initiatives in the early days of that scary disease was a push for safe sex. That’s how we should think about COVID-19.
What is a mask? A mask is a condom for your face! Wear one as you go about your business!
Masks are going to become a common sight for months, if not years. I got an email from Uber recently saying masks will be mandatory for all drivers and riders as of Monday. The retail and hospitality industries will increasingly require face coverings. Masks will be as ubiquitous as shirts or shoes, which let the record show, stores have required for decades.
I know we live in a polarized age. But masks have no place in the culture wars.
Refusing to wear a mask does not make you a freedom fighter.
It just proves you are a selfish moron and human speed bump as we journey toward normal.
This reality show presidency must go on and the star can’t be hitting his mark like an extra in ‘Contagion’