What does your choice of alcohol say about you?

You’re telling people about yourself with what you decide to drink

There are so many cues one gives off to showcase their personality, including what their drink of choice is.

Back when I went on dates at public spaces, I would take in what someone ordered and silently judge, for better or for worse. I’m not sitting on a high horse here, because I know I’m being judged too (I’m one of those obnoxious people that even specifies the type of glass). People watching is a pastime we all took part in, whether we admit it or not. Our happy hours have now gone digital and I’ve been in shock at what some of my friends — who I thought I knew — have been drinking while isolated at home. I’m even surprised that I’m even drinking at home in the first place, since home was always a retreat and a step away from my social life and I’d rarely sip wine if my dad poured me half a glass.

To help you prevent this unsolicited judgment, here’s an unscientific, unapologetic and biased list of what your drink of choice says about you.

Type: The millennial powerhouse

The drink: A ready-to-drink (RTD) vodka mixed can

About you: Your natural alarm wakes you up just before your alarm is set to go off to start your workday (you’re likely in PR, journalism, or another creative industry). Instead of looking at your phone, you reach over to your nightstand and drink a litre of alkalized water (either from a glass jar, or from in its sustainable packaging).

You use your lunch break to get a virtual workout in, make a protein smoothie, then get back to work. When 5 p.m. hits, you go to the refrigerator and grab a RTD can of a light and on-trend, gluten free, naturally sweetened drink such as Toronto brand’s Social Lite (half for the irony of the name) or a White Claw (for the clout), and drink it right from the can, or possibly, with a metal straw.

You’re likely a Gemini, or just someone who tries to practice balance, but has a skewed idea of what that entails. You then make a healthy dinner from scratch, while eating a bag of Doritos to tide you over. You had planned to get outside for a walk before sunset, but you end up cuing up another episode of reality TV on a streaming service, while swiping on a dating app and sipping your drink.

What’s 80-140 calories? You think as you sip. And since you’re “saving ” calories, where’s that bag of Doritos?

Type: The proud Canadian The drink: Gibson’s Finest Canadian whisky About you: You headed to the cottage on the May 24 weekend to “open the season,” and listen to a playlist with tons of Tragically Hip and Arkells songs on your ride up. You own at least one classic Bay blanket, which you never use but is always hidden in plain sight for guests to see. You’re most known among your friends for hosting an epic, annual Canada Day party at your cottage where everyone is requested to wear red and white, or dress on theme.

You have at least one tattoo, possibly even one of the Canadian flag, and you can do wonders with a saw. You’re the first to don shorts, sandals and Tshirt as soon as the temperature hits the double digits.

You’re warm, open and always welcoming and everyone is your bud, even those you met once at a bar, or had over for a campfire with mutual friends, years back, and live by the motto the more the merrier.

You’re a fan of drinks with great taste and no pretension and you feel patriotic drinking Gibson whisky, because it’s Canadian. With you, quality is a must, whether it’s drinks, food, friends or having a good ol’ time.

Type: The educated bookworm The drink: The Balvenie About you: You love losing yourself in a book, curled up in a nook in your home, with a stiff, handcrafted drink that has a story behind it. Though you like not to be bothered during your daily reading sessions, you’re a great listener, quiet and humble. You’re often telling your friends and family about the latest bestselling books. You spend much of your workday scrolling through Twitter, to be up to date on daily news and trending stories. You pride yourself on having a close-knit group of friends, and you look forward to seeing each other again in an intimate setting, where you can sip drams of the best of the best whisky while talking about what a time it’s been being isolated.

You appreciate artisanal craftsmanship — from drinks to the type of food and products you purchase — and your friends would describe you as down to earth.

Type: The trendsetter The drink: A natural wine from a local Ontario winery About you: You’re a restaurateur, artist or entrepreneur. You like to educate your friends on the latest and greatest food and drink trends and pride yourself being ahead of the curve. You proudly support local businesses and any small business or craft maker.

To you, craftsmanship is everything. Your gadgets are up to date, you’re willing to pay for something if you think it will add value to your life. You haven’t shopped at the LCBO in years, instead you like to go straight to the source. You’ve likely been ordering wine online during COVID from a site like mywinecanada.com. You enjoy doing your research to find just the right wine.

You’re thinking of starting a TikTok, but keep hesitating telling yourself you might be too old for it.

Type: You’ve given up The drink: Anything in a box About you: You started isolation opening up some of the nice bottles you’ve saved over the years. You’re an extrovert and at the start of this, you kid yourself into thinking it would only last a week. Heck, you even popped a bottle of Moet on a weeknight. Your weeks often involve nights out on the town at notable restaurants and equally notable events with friends. You likely support at least one charity and possibly run your own company.

Boxed wine isn’t all that bad. You keep it in your fridge and pour a glass for yourself or whoever you’re quarantining with, using your expensive wine glasses. ‘To hell with it!’ you think. As you wait for your takeout order from Eataly, Gusto (101 or 501) or another prominent local eatery, you call a friend on FaceTime and show them the irony of where you’re at. “Can you believe I’m drinking wine from a box?!” you say. They can. Wait a second, are those pyjama pants you’re wearing?