A field guide to video-dating
If you take all the bells and whistles out of dating, this format makes things very simple
Isolation has made the need to reach out and seek connections stronger than ever, especially if, like me, you’re single and want to be stimulated, albeit emotionally.
I’ve connected with men on Facebook, with my delivery guy, through friends and through dating apps and even revisited past relationships. One way or the other, the flirtations moved to videochat. The platforms varied (FaceTime, Snapchat, Houseparty, Instagram video) as did who initiated the video-dates, but what remained the same was that desire for connection.
A video-date for those not in the know is when two people who are interested in each other have a date over a video-app. It’s an attempt during lockdown to mimic what a date would be if you were to meet up in person. Video-dates can be a done on a walk, or you can just have the video-chat on and watch a movie together, or — and this is how I like to do it — you can do it anywhere you feel comfortable. For me, it’s in my room on my couch, lights off, with either the soft moody glow from my wireless light, or the natural light from my window. I always have music playing in the background so there’s never silence.
I started using the Houseparty app for video-dates as it seemed more private since you don’t need to give or get someone’s phone number to use it — and it’s an app that many people downloaded. It has a feature where you can lock the room, which ensures no one interrupts your chat, and also makes the person you’re talking to anonymous to your followers. This is a plus if you’re going on video-dates with multiple people. If you don’t lock it, however, approved friends on your contact list can see who you’re chatting with, something I like — like being seen on a date with a known catch.
I find this app the best for video-dates, (and it’s free), though FaceTime is just as good if you both have an iPhone and it’s someone you already know or who you’ve developed a sort of rapport with.
Which leads me to my first video-date experience. I matched with a guy on Bumble, said a simple “hi” — since women need to initiate contact to get the ball rolling on that app — he said hi back and then *poof* he video-called me. I mean, he hadn’t found out I was a Gemini yet! And unfortunately for me, I didn’t know he was a Gemini, a type I know better than to start something with, but that’s another issue.
Though abrupt and without warning, I decided to accept the call. I had been hearing from friends about video-dates through dating apps and figured the best way to have a go at it is to jump in and avoid all the anxiety that comes with expectations.
The guy, lets call him Kyle, was sitting there in his parents basement playing Fortnite, the angle less than flattering from below him. I found this endearing, and his confidence in calling me so immediately after a simple “hi” very attractive. I was also, if I admit it, relieved to see it was an actual person and I wasn’t being catfished. He looked just like he presented himself to be in his profile. We covered all the usual first date questions.
The next day, he sent me a message that said “Video chat?” then he called me over FaceTime. When the Houseparty app cut us off a few times the night prior, I had given him my number. I was on a walk so I called him instead and there wasn’t really anything to talk about. It was apparent there was no real connection.
And yet, the next time he video-called me that evening, I answered. I mean, I was around. I acknowledge, boredom isn’t the healthiest habit when it comes to dating, especially since my intention was more to get experience and less out of genuine interest in getting to know this person, but I digress.
Kyle was looking at me in a weird way and kept saying “So what else?” I was getting a bad vibe and it felt like he was preoccupied. I waited until I was in the middle of a sentence to click the “X” to close the FaceTime chat window, leaving him to assume the Wi-Fi connection was poor. He called back seven times in a row. I didn’t answer. I haven’t heard from him since.
My other video-dates were with people I had gotten to know first, so it was a safe situation and connecting has only brought us closer together and given me a better understanding of the person at the other end of the chat. It’s an intimate glimpse inside their homes or their rooms too, helping me construct a full and more realistic story of who they are.
The one I didn’t connect with over video was the delivery guy. We had first connected when he called me from the LCBO to tell me they were out of the wine I had ordered and asked me if I wanted something from the same region. I expected the voice at the other end to sound much older, but this guy sounded hot. He sounded cool. Our texting began once I placed my second order and I saw this as a “Love Is Blind” experience, like the popular Netflix show. But after he continued to reach out to me daily, and dropped off gifts (drinks, candies, chocolates and even some dolls), I cut things off before we had the chance to even see what each other looked like.
As opposed to having a first date at a specific venue where it can be hard to end the date, having the awkward ‘who should pay for the bill’ situation and then debating whether or not to lean in for a kiss or more, video-dating is done with ease. There has been no money spent. No time wasted commuting. And an easy out at the click of the button. You still get to pick up on their mannerisms, their body language and even have a moment to ask them their horoscope sign.