Stress of virus will linger until we get a vaccine

Q: I’ve read your column daily for years and of late it’s been a great distraction during these trying times. However, when people write in about various topics I don’t understand why you slip in COVID-19 into virtually every one. Not everyone’s problems are wrapped up with the pandemic. Have you ever thought you are causing unnecessary anxiety to your readership? We don’t need it.

Thank You

Ellie: Thanks for being such a longtime reader, it’s truly greatly appreciated.

I’m deeply sorry if the effect of people writing me for advice related to their lives during the current pandemic, and my answering them regarding the problems and issues they raised in those letters, has caused you any unnecessary anxiety.

Of course, it’s true that not everyone’s problems that are shared with me, are bound up with COVID-19.

I’ve had letters about many other issues that turned out to be of more popular concern than was widely known: Narcissistic relatives has been a frequent topic, for example, prompting many followup questions.

So, too, was the repeated discussion by readers of a woman’s belief that her husband was “stolen” by another woman, for an affair.

Also, several columns were reactions about a man who kept secret from his adult daughter his plans to live with his long-distance partner, prompting discussion about whether he was more attached to his daughter than his girlfriend.

However, it’s only natural that many people, when writing about their relationships, do so in the context of their current lives.

Many people have been anxious at some level since at least last March. They turned to this column and many other outlets for asking questions to try and ease their worries and find solutions for adapting.

I think when seen that way, it’s part of the larger picture of what relationship columnists, political columnists, news columnists, humour columnists, etc. are supposed to be writing about when there’s a significant overriding issue affecting all of us … i.e. trying to make sense of what’s happening.

Personally, I start my day each morning counting on five superb columnists to inform me and show me the light ahead, the chance for a smile, and the darkness to avoid.

The changes in medical and public health information, including both good and bad news is vital for us to know. The political decisions need to be examined, debated, understood, and sometimes railed against.

Humour lightens our mood which is essential to our mental health.

And any advice I give that can help people either resolve or have new hope regarding their relationship problems is what they want or need for emotional health while living with the virus in our midst.

If my column has sometimes been, as you said, a “great distraction” for you in trying times, then I’ve done what I set out to do.

I do believe there’s a level of ongoing anxiety in most of us, while our way of life is affected and restricted by a worldwide novel coronavirus for which we do not yet have a vaccine.

The good news, however, is that there are many brilliant scientific minds diligently at work in laboratories across the globe, to find a vaccine and prove it safe for human use.

When that eventually happens — and it must — we’ll still be talking and reading about COVID-19, but it’ll hopefully be a summary more than an anxious brief. Ellie’s tip of the day Pandemic information is, by its nature, anxious making. Find balance from healthy outdoor time, personal interests, safe socializing.

Ellie Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star and based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: ellie@thestar.ca.