UNDER ONE ROOF
Multigenerational living brings added challenges in the age of COVID, but also a feeling of togetherness and relief from isolation
When deciding whether to send her kids back to school this fall, Tara Sherman thought of her dad.
As with countless other families this year, the choice between in-person learning or online classes meant weighing the risks: what would happen if they brought the virus home?
But the Shermans’ living arrangement brought extra caution. Like a growing number of Canadian households, their home is multigenerational, with seven family members from three generations — including her father, in his 60s — under one roof.
For those multigenerational households, the pandemic has come with extra risks, as younger members of the house have had to consider the impacts of their decisions on older relatives.
The arrangement has been Canada’s fastest-growing type of housing in recent decades, with an estimated 2.2 million people living with at least three generations of their family as of the 2016 census, including roughly 5.8 per cent of private households in Toronto.
“I feel like, in some ways, it’s brought us closer, because we’ve had to be more open.” TARA SHERMAN
Statistics Canada has offered several potential factors to explain that growth, including housing needs, changing demographics — with multigenerational homes more common among Indigenous and immigrant families — and the steep costs that come with living in certain parts of the country.
Sherman’s packed house has been tense at times, as the pandemic has kept everyone at home more than ever. There are times Sherman says she just wants five minutes to herself, without someone interrupting a train of thought.
But there have also been moments of gratitude, as COVID-19 has put hurdles in front of other families trying to see their elderly loved ones. She’s never had to wonder when she can safely see her father — he’s been there to bust out his oldschool popcorn maker for a family movie night, or lean on his Montreal roots to help their nine-year-old, Jaden, with his first year of French classes.
“I’m actually surprised at how we’ve worked through it,” she said of the challenges they’ve faced. “I feel like, in some ways, it’s brought us closer, because we’ve had to be more open.”
Though the blended cohabitation model has brought extra risks in recent months, it’s also offered a way around the isolation many older folks have experienced since COVID-19 hit, as well as an extra set of hands caring for children who’ve been stuck at home.
Sherman and her husband rented a place in Pickering before moving into the Georgina home they now share with her father. He rented his own place nearby, and when she was pregnant with her now seven-yearold, they decided that it made more sense to live together.
The setup was a godsend, especially when the babies were newborns, Sherman said.
They didn’t fret about finding babysitters, and could more easily spend one-on-one time with each child.
The benefits went both ways, she believes, with the kids keeping her dad active as he aged.
That kind of symbiosis is all Joey Lau, 20, has ever known. She and her parents have lived with her grandparents since she was born, first in Toronto and now in Markham.
While her parents worked, her grandparents took care of her, her brother and their cousins: taking them to school, cooking dinner and making sure they retained their native Cantonese while studying in English.
The threat of COVID-19 had particularly interrupted her grandfather’s usual routines, which involve hopping on a bike and pedaling to a nearby plaza to grab a newspaper, before meeting friends for coffee. The grandkids had each implored him to stay home, Lau said, to his dismay.
But their multigenerational setup meant he wasn’t left isolated when that routine stopped. They found ways to stay amused, like a bread-making contest between her and her mom — which her grandparents judged, and Lau said she won with a ciabatta garlic bread.
The bustling scene is a sharp contrast from the kind of reality they could be facing in longterm care, a prospect that Lau said her family intends to avoid. An older relative had spent her final years in a nursing home, she said, becoming lonely until visitors could come by.
“She passed away, and we just decided that nursing homes … it’s not going to happen,” Lau said.
And the devastation wreaked by COVID-19 in long-term care during the pandemic has only spurred more families to contemplate multigenerational living, according to the director of geriatrics at Toronto’s Mount Sinai and University Health Network hospitals.
Dr. Samir Sinha said he’s seen multiple families in recent months hold off on placing a relative into long-term care, or pull them out of a facility to care for them at home instead.
“As the kids are going back to school, all of a sudden you have to think about, well, you’ve got an older generation in the household now who is at increased risk if COVID is brought into the home.”
Shannon Nocos, 28, shares a Mississauga home with her parents and grandmother, and told the Star she’s been running a baking and cooking delivery service from their kitchen.
Her grandmother likes to spend her days in their kitchen, too: sitting at the table, reading a newspaper or plugging away at a word search puzzle.
But it was her habit of talking to their dog — a Welsh Corgi named Landa — that got under her skin most. “I kind of love that, now that I’m saying it out loud, but in the moment it’s like ‘Oh my God, I need to rent my own space.’”
At 84 years old, with a heart condition that has meant multiple valve replacements since she was in her 60s, her grandmother is fragile, said Nocos. That means their family has been on “high alert” about their potential exposure, knowing the risks of bringing COVID-19 home. Nocos has been tested for twice, just to give her some extra peace of mind.
But, she said, their living setup also means giving her grandmother a feeling of safety — knowing that, if anything happens, someone is there to help. Her grandmother cared for her and her brother when they were kids, she said, and Nocos respected that role deeply.
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s been a little stressful because we’re all just home together,” Nocos acknowledged. “But at the same time, always having that respect in the back of my mind, it’s been hectic but (we’re) also trying to keep peace through our three generations here.”