How to help someone who believes in a cult

Steven Hassan was 19 and had just been dumped when a pair of beautiful women came up to him, started flirting with him and told him he would be great to hang out with.

Then they invited him to an event connected to their religion, he recalls.

Two and a half years later, Hassan was extracted from the cult of the Unification Church led by Sun Myung Moon. He’d spend the following decades helping others detach themselves from cults as a therapist.

Now, he has done a “deep dive” into QAnon, the popular internet conspiracy theory that, in his view, looks like a cult, acts like a cult and is a cult.

Do not tell a QAnon believer that they are wrong, ‘kooky’ or crazy

“What happens, typically, when someone gets into Scientology or something similar, is the family member tries to talk them out of it, rationally,” Hassan explains.

It seems like a natural response, but it often doesn’t work. The person who has come to believe a false narrative offered by a cult likely had deep, emotional incentives for delving into the area.

When it comes to QAnon, people initially become hooked by QAnon posts and theories connected to a highly emotive subject they were already interested in, such as Christianity, human trafficking or even yoga. Then it begins to provide the person with a sense of community and special belonging.

Hassan says the way out requires love and acceptance as a prerequisite to sowing doubts about the conspiracytheory adherent’s beliefs.

Do not distance yourself from your loved one

As it is in the real world, so it is online, when it comes to isolation. Hassan said that once it becomes clear to family and friends that the person they love is deep into their cult or conspiracy beliefs, a common response is to pull away.

But he said that’s one of the worst things a loved one can do, since it can cause the person to go even deeper into their cult community seeking the social support they used to get from family and friends.

Do suggest therapy

Beliefs in conspiracies and cults involve deception, and deep fears that can shake a person’s core beliefs about who they are.

There are many different therapies available to treat phobias, social fallout and clarity with respect to one’s own identity.

Do encourage Q believers to come to their own conclusions

Hassan says the “straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back” for his own cult experience was watching a speech given by Moon to an American audience, and realizing that Moon was lying.

He says was able to recognize that because of information presented to him by caring family members about mind control in Communist China. The information wasn’t presented to him as evidence of what was happening in his own life, but he absorbed it all the same, and some time later was reminded of what he learned.

Once he saw the similarities with Moon, he says, he couldn’t unsee them, and his belief in the cult came crumbling down.

He’s seen the same pattern repeated among clients who have left cults. It may not help to argue with a cult member directly about their beliefs, but it can help immensely to give them resources.