Weeknd, cheer up: Grammys don’t matter
The Grammys should start a spinoff show called the Snubs.
Was it Benjamin Franklin who said nothing is certain except death and taxes? If he were alive today, he’d include a third certainty: Grammy outrage. When the nominations come out each year, an artist somewhere reacts as if the Recording Academy chief just slapped them upside the head with an iron skillet.
This week it was The Weeknd who felt the blunt-force trauma of getting overlooked.
After his powerhouse “After Hours” was shut out — despite critical acclaim and global popularity — it’s a miracle The Weeknd didn’t change his name to The Betrayd. As he tweeted: “The Grammys remain corrupt. You owe me, my fans and the industry transparency …”
Come on. He should know demanding transparency from the Grammys is like asking Oscar Mayer for step-by-step instructions on how to manufacture jumbo franks in your garage.
I bet even Grammy voters are mystified by how their trophy sausages are made.
Artists can enter music in categories, but the academy can move them to another bin for consideration? The Grammys has more committees, subcommittees and voting blocs than most parliamentary democracies? Adjudicating dates and deadlines are staggered?
No wonder there is always a chasm between what music gets nominated and what most people actually listen to. The Weeknd feels aggrieved be
cause he put out award-calibre music this year. Fine. But so did lots of artists who were also overlooked by the Byzantine, opaque and too-many-cooks brewing process that is the Grammy Awards.
Also, doesn’t The Weeknd already have three Grammys? I’m sorry, but that’s three more than the combined total for the Who, Snoop Dogg, Diana Ross, Rush, Oasis, the Strokes, Katy Perry, Björk, Jimi Hendrix, Guns N’ Roses, Nicki Minaj, Iggy Pop, Beach Boys, Bob Marley, Tupac, Public Enemy, Morrissey, Nas, the Kinks …
The New Vaudeville Band has a Grammy and Queen does not. That’s all you need to know.
It’s comical. And proof the Grammys were, are, and always will be irrelevant as a
reliable yardstick of musical excellence. Even the Razzies can boast a better methodology.
Think about it. You may buy a book that wins the Giller Prize. You may be more inclined to watch a movie after it cleans up at the Academy Awards. You may even hire a landscaper based on an online community award. But have you ever bought or streamed an album just because it won a Grammy?
Music is like food. Our tastes are hard-wired and immune to outside influence.
Cauliflower could win all the awards in the world. There’s still no way I’m putting that putrid flower head in my mouth. At the age of 21, Lil Nas X now has more Grammys than Led Zeppelin. But my ears needed just 10 seconds of “Old
Town Road” to realize genreblending “country rap” is not for me any more than “classical death metal” or “gangsta yodelling.”
One of my favourite bands is the Shins. James Mercer is one of the greatest songwriters of his generation. He’s a poet with a keen sense of melody and dazzling chord-changes.
The Shins have six studio albums and zero Grammys.
In response to the snubbing of his fellow Canadian, Drake suggested it’s time to “stop allowing ourselves to be shocked every year by the disconnect between impactful music and these awards.” He also proposed the Grammys get replaced by “something new.”
It’s an intriguing idea. But that might be a tough sell for, say, Beyoncé, who leads the 2020 derby with nine nominations. The same goes for Taylor Swift, who has six nominations. Personally, I’d give all the awards to Ms. Swift for her “Folklore” album, especially the exquisite “epiphany,” which gets my vote as Song of the Pandemic.
That’s the point: no music awards can please every music lover because we all love different music. The late conductor Georg Solti won 31 Grammys, more than anyone. Good luck getting Dua Lipa fans to give a listen to his recording of Wagner’s “Der Ring des Nibelungen.”
The Weeknd should not feel robbed by the Grammys for one reason: the Grammys do not matter. They have never had a material impact on our preferences. People who love The Weeknd’s tunes are going to keep loving them, even if he ends up on the FBI’s Most Wanted List. Meanwhile, those who do not care for his sonic stylings were not going to suddenly start blasting “Blinding Lights” had it been nominated for a Grammy this week.
Jimmy Sturr has won 18 Grammys. I’d rather listen to a monkey chip ice off a windshield. That’s not a shot at Jimmy — I just find polka to be an end-of-days abomination!
Handing out trophies for music makes about as much sense as handing out gold medals for best room temperature: we like what we like. My wife won’t let me touch the thermostat. But she can’t stop me from listening to Mojave 3.
I hope The Weeknd cheers up this weekend. Getting snubbed by the Grammys is actually a badge of honour. It has no impact. And it happens to the best.