Deal-breakers are real and we must manage them
The world has always been divided. Only now we are watching the fragmentation convulse live and in living colour on our devices, spiked with commentary from partisan pundits and propagandists.
And the authors of some of the most politically divisive constructs are from America, our friend and neighbour and ally and partner in democracy.
Democracy never seemed so vulnerable as it has since the U.S. election that ousted Donald Trump — results Trump won’t accept. The Trump era has skewed everything, it seems — so large is the footprint of the occupant of the seat of the world’s most powerful man.
I’ve been fretting, stressing, needlessly brooding over the state of mankind. Are we ever going to see eye-to-eye? And what if we don’t? And, truthfully, have we ever?
Remember Cain and Abel? First brothers. First family. No antecedents. No history of conflict
No legacy to live down. Inheritors of a slightly diminished Eden paradise.
And still, they couldn’t hold it together.
Four decades as a journalist teaches one to recognize opposing views, tolerate conflicting perspectives and practices and embrace the other.
Rob Ford was a horrible mayor with flaws so obvious and exposed that I watched in disbelief as normally reason able and well-meaning Torontonians bent themselves into distortions to explain him away and defend the indefensible.
He was a mess. Everyone knew it — and yet as many as
per cent of the Toronto populace would stick by him no matter what. Another 20 per cent were so inclined, willing to give him a pass if only he displayed a modicum of common decency.
I spent many days shaking my head in disbelief at the Ford phenomenon.
But I never feared for the city. Ford was a cartoon character who was in over his head — a populist with no sense of civic purpose, a one-issue iconoclast whose attraction was the total aversion to spending taxpayers' money, exceptwhen he misguidedly decided that subways were the only mode of public transit.
In spite of his foibles, and because of them, he was to be pitied, not despised.
Donald Trump? I despise the man. Have done so ever since he propagated the lie against Barack Obama, claiming the U.S. president’s birth certificate was fake. That was the dealbreaker right then and there. Out went my designer Trump dress shirts and cuff links. No one can get me to sleep in a Trump Hotel. For free.
Trump’s subsequent parade of pestilential behaviour has only added to the pyre of base contempt that burns in many hearts for this despicable man.
Listening to pre-president Trump, one could hear the early ramblings of a racist. That was before I was aware of his role in the Central Park Five. Or before the world would be exposed to his misogynistic views of women, his debased treatment of refugees amassed on his borders, his rank incapacity to speak the truth, his evil disregard for the effects of COVID-19 on his citizens, willing to sacrifice them for the economy.
Yet millions of people love him.
So, how does one co-exist in such a divided universe, one that bleeds across borders? Three possibilities: One. Listen to other views and be willing to share yours. With goodwill, there can be tolerance, or, better yet, accommodation, and finally, acceptance and change. That might happen only if we take the time to really understand how words, policies and political action we embrace actually chafe or insult or assault the sensibilities and core beliefs of our neighbour.
Two. Accept the fact that your neighbour might share views that are unalterably different than yours — that is, nothing will change their minds, or yours.
So, now what? Do we search elsewhere for common ground? Or do we retreat into isolated fortresses, neighbours in location only?
Three. Our ability to co-exist, peacefully, and committed to a common civic purpose, depends on how we manage our deal-breakers.
Deal-breakers are real. They are often among the most powerful determinants of a person’s voting choice, all other things considered. They speak o core values or unshakeable beliefs. They are often hotbutton issues. Beware the leader who exploits them for political gain.
A day before the U.S. election, the ninth-grade daughter of a California family member sent this internet message to her friends:
“If you voted for Trump, I mean this in the most disrespectful way possible, I do not want anything to do with you. Not only did you vote against basic human rights and equality, you decided racism, homophobia, islamophobia, transphobia and misogynistic behavior wasn’t a deal breaker.
“Please feel free to unfollow or block me because the moment you support … you are no longer my friend. Believe me when I say I want nothing to do with you.”
The view is at once startling and invigorating — and a troubling reality, too. Get used to it — from both sides.
The great African American writer James Baldwin famously wrote: “We can disagree and still love each other, unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of m exist.”
Shout “All Lives Matter” when I shout “Black Lives Matter” and I’m distressed, insulted and disrespected. But I can entertain a conversation.
But wave a noose in my face or call me the N-word and all bets are off. That’s a dealbreaker. And most citizens who are moderately aware, and care about their neighbour, would know this or be seeking always to understand this.
Removing the Donald Trumps from our lives and conversation can only help. So thank you, America.