She wanted my skills, and that’s all
Our conversations were so easygoing it’s not clear who asked out whom
Tom is a 39-year-old engineer who lives on the east side. He says, “My day requires a mix of hands-on and intellectual work, so my look tends to be laid-back casual.” Tom says he is “shy and reserved at first, but very gregarious once I get to know a person.” In his free time, Tom likes to “stroll through the city’s gems, like High Park, the Beaches or Yorkville,” as well as spending time on the “procurement, restoration and racing of high-performance vintage muscle cars” and “home restoration, renovation and customization.” Tom is looking for “long-term commitment with someone with whom I would feel at ease, confide in and enjoy life as soulmates.”
Misty and I crossed paths on a dating website. At that point, I had been single for three years and was new to online dating. The typical exchange of information between us ensued. Misty seemed to have an outgoing personality, similar to my own. I liked her sense of humour and her sense of adventure. She seemed devoid of any personal baggage. I also had a feeling that we had traversed a similar path in life.
Our online exchanges evolved into phone calls, including a long conversation about favourite foods and the best places in Toronto to seek them out. Finally, with enough mutual interest, we agreed to meet for dinner. The conversations were so easygoing that it’s not really clear who asked out whom.
At that time, I was living in the east end and she was living in the west end, so we chose to meet downtown, at a promising restaurant in Yorkville.
Exiting the TTC, I stood on the top step and immediately made eye contact with Misty. She was much shorter than I am. Guys are almost always taller, but the difference was significant enough that it presented a challenge. Other than being a bit taken aback by that, I was attracted to her.
I was grateful that Misty had brought this restaurant to my culinary attention but, in a date context, it was a typical meal. Spending time with Misty was very laid-back, like hanging out with a friend. I wondered if I missed any “cues” during dinner but, to me, it felt more platonic than romantic.
After dinner, we walked through Yorkville, absorbing the sights and sounds, gazing at affluence via exotic sports cars, haute couture and the overall vibe of wealth that Yorkville embodies. The date felt almost surreal in this context. We took it all in.
At the end of the date, we realized that over the course of the evening we had come to the same conclusion, that there was no future between us. We were simply not a good fit. We both sensed that after getting to know one another better in person, there was no desire on either behalf to pursue a relationship. I was neither pleased nor displeased by not advancing to a second date, but I was glad we were so open about it. The mutual honesty was a rare moment in dating and it came as a relief to both of us.
I don’t think there is such a thing as a “bad date,” just those not to be repeated. It’s all experience.
However, a week later, Misty called me out of nowhere. I was surprised to hear from her. She asked me if I would come over and help her out with some things that needed to be fixed at her place! She offered to make me dinner in exchange for my help. It was clear that she wasn’t suggesting a second date or any kind of future together. I’m not a handyman, but she must have picked up on the fact that I have some skills in this department. Did she have second thoughts about us not being a good fit? When I asked her, she said no. Doesn’t that play with a guy’s mind?!
I could have overanalyzed the situation and read more deeply into her motives, and decided that she was shy and cautious and that this was her way of moving the relationship forward, and seen something that really wasn’t there. Instead, I recognized that she simply wanted someone to fix things around her house, and she knew me and I was well-qualified. There are “friends with benefits” and then there is manipulation of friendships. Count me out.
Tom rates his date (out of 10): 6