Farrah Khan and Kristyn Wong-Tam
It wasn’t exactly “love at first sight” for Kristyn Wong- Tam and Farrah Khan. Wong-Tam remembers think- ing Khan was “strikingly gorgeous.” Khan thought Wong-Tam was intimidating — and dressed a little nerdy — but she texted her friend gushing that Wong- Tam was so smart and good looking.
“My friend quipped that she was going to keep the messages to read if we ever got married or had a commitment ceremony,” Khan said. Five years later, that’s exactly what happened.
The couple met at a photo shoot for the Star’s “People to Watch in 2011,” which took place at Evergreen Brick Works. Wong-Tam had been newly elected to city council as the representative for the high-profile ward of Toronto Centre-Rosedale and Khan was there for her advocacy work addressing gendered Islamophobia and gender-based violence.
They orbited each other for four years, occasionally bumping shoulders at community events, before they found themselves single and ready to pursue a roman- tic relationship. Even then, it took three months to schedule their first date.
“It took a council of my friends looking at our texts and my responses to know if Kristyn was flirting with me,” said Khan, now the manager of The Office of Sexual Violence Support and Education at Ryerson University.
When the pair finally met up at a romantic French bistro, Wong-Tam was quick to draw boundary lines. She said she was renting a one-bedroom and driving a two-seater; one seat for her, one for her dog. She said she wasn’t the marrying type, didn’t want kids and hoped Farrah didn’t either. In fact, Wong-Tam persis- tently forecasted the end of the relationship. Two weeks before Christmas, Wong-Tam told Khan that “if” they were still together in the new year, they would go to the opera.
“I said a bunch of really silly things that came back to bite me on several occasions … I was not exactly a smooth operator,” Wong-Tam said. “But when I met Farrah, when I met the right person, all of a sudden I wanted those things I said I didn’t want.”
Khan, on the other hand, was sure Wong-Tam was “the one” after their second or third date. “I just felt this sense of calm, that she was my person. I just knew I wanted to be around her,” Khan said.
While it took Wong-Tam longer to get there, Khan said it was worth the wait. “Kristyn is so loving. When she loves you, she loves you with her whole heart.”
At the time, work came first for Wong-Tam, who is still city councillor for Toronto Centre. Then came family, then friends, then maybe a casual relationship, in fourth or fifth place. But when Khan came along, Wong-Tam knew she had to reshuffle her priorities.
“She’s just so amazing … the workaholic in me started to slow down and look at life differently,” Wong-Tam said. Wong-Tam proposed to Khan on a beach in Tu- lum, Mexico. A year later, in the summer of 2016, the couple held an afternoon interfaith wedding at the 519 Community Centre.
Khan says the reason their love works is because they’ve prioritized it in their lives.
“Sometimes as queer people, we’re told we won’t be loved, or can’t get married or have kids. But we have the right to all those things,” Khan said.
She knew once her marriage with Wong-Tam became public, she would lose members of her family. “I don’t regret it. Our love means the world to me and it’s worth fighting for.”
Khan and Wong-Tam now have a son, Kiyan, who will be two in June.
While they say it’s easy to lose themselves in a busy city with their busy work, they constantly feel like they’re “floating” toward each other; gravitating to- ward making time, being still and being together.