I set three alarms. Can I ever become a morning person?
I crave those five extra minutes between snoozes like an addict craves their next hit
Everyone has something they don’t like about themselves, something they have been trying to change for years, nay, decades. Some people are on an eternal quest to become more fit, or to kick a nicotine or sugar habit. Others wish to lose weight, read more books, learn how to win friends and influence people.
Me? I’ve tried hard to be a morning person. Laugh if you like, but here are some of the things I’ve resorted to:
As a hopeful 20-something, I had a trail of alarm clocks that led from my bedroom to the bathroom, which would force me out of bed to turn each one off. Surely, I reasoned, by the time I got to the bathroom I would be wide awake. The only thing this strategy managed to accomplish was to annoy the rest of the household as I slept through my alarms or turned them off and returned to bed.
I have asked friends to call me in the mornings. I have made pacts with other friends to wake early. I have tried sleeping on the floor, or going to bed earlier. The best I managed was a three-month streak a couple of years ago, when I was knee-deep in drafting my second novel. Once the draft was finished, I returned to my former habit of snoozing.
I thought the pandemic would help, but it turns out a worldwide catastrophe does a number on your sleep cycle and I’ve been having an even harder time waking up early than normal.
Currently, I set about three different alarms, 15 to 20 minutes apart. I don’t trust myself not to turn them off. I crave those five extra minutes between snoozes like an addict craves their next hit. And yes, my husband has threatened to move me to the basement.
Given that I clearly find it so difficult why don’t I just give in and go back to sleep? Here’s why.
Morning people wake up with the birds and stay awake while the rest of the house sleeps. During this magical time, they accomplish tasks and get an early start on their day. As someone who has a problem saying “no” and who habitually takes on more tasks than any sane woman ought to (I currently have three, possibly four, jobs), the idea of carving a few extra uninterrupted hours out of every day sounds delightful — and necessary.
And peer pressure might have something to do with it. I recently read author Karma Brown’s excellent new book, (full disclosure: I know Karma personally) “The 4% Fix,’ in which she lists all the things she has been able to accomplish after forming a 5 a.m. wakeup habit, such as writing her bestselling novels.
I was so inspired after reading this book, I resolved to once again try to embrace the power of early mornings. After all, some of my favourite writers famously had early morning habits: Barbara Kingsolver, Kurt Vonnegut and Toni Morrison, among others.
I should be inspired, right?
And yet, I still manage to hit snooze at least three times every morning, sleeping in until the very last second, before jumping out of bed, frantically showering, changing, tying my hijab and flying out the door (or lately, heading downstairs to my office), tea in one hand, toast in the other. I manage to do all of this in about 15 minutes flat. I’m never late. Just aggressively on time.
Yes, I know this is a super power. No, it is not the one I would have chosen.
Most not-morning people are night owls, cracking on until the wee hours. Unfortunately, I’m incapable of any coherent output after 10 p.m., and I usually turn in between 11 and midnight. There really isn’t any reason I couldn’t become a morning person. I don’t have a pre-existing health condition, unless you count “incurable sleeper-inner,” which is the official term for my particular affliction.
I’m not sure it is possible for a committed sleeper-inner to change. It’s not for a lack of the will, stamina or motivation. I’ve been able to accomplish plenty of other goals in my life. Just not this one.
Still, I haven’t lost hope. I have a vision of myself devoting the first hours of every day to writing and creative projects, of being able to focus without distraction while everyone else sleeps. The few times I have managed to wrangle myself out of bed while the sun (and my family) still sleep have been both peaceful and productive. I want to capture that feeling and flow once more — and so my quest continues.
Every night when I set my alarm(s), I hope tomorrow will be the day I finally begin to overcome my (clearly) hereditary circadian rhythm and achieve my fondest wish. I will be a perpetual morning person. One of these days.
… But probably not tomorrow.