‘No one ever gets to silence us again’
Teen’s TikTok campaign aims to improve lessons on consent in Ontario
By the time she was in Grade 11, Emily Webb had been sexually assaulted — twice.
The first time it happened, she was at a house party and decided to go upstairs with a boy she liked. When they were alone, the interaction “went bad pretty quickly” and was “traumatic,” as she was touched without her consent, says Webb, who was 15 at the time.
The second assault occurred at a gathering at her house when she was 16, and many teens were sleeping over. While she was asleep, she says a boy climbed into her bed and tried to put his hands down her pants.
Neither teenage boy seemed to care about what Webb was comfortable with or about obtaining any kind of consent, she says.
“For a long time, I ignored it. I didn’t tell anyone I had been sexually assaulted. I didn’t talk about it,” she says.
But now after confiding in friends and family, she’s decided she wants to talk about it, loudly — with a campaign on TikTok, one of the social media platforms most resonating with young people today.
Webb is using TikTok and Instagram to gain support for a petition, which currently has more than 19,000 signatures, and which she plans to take to the Ontario government to ask that more comprehensive teachings about consent and sexual assault be added to the sex-ed curriculum.
Her campaign comes in the wake of years of controversy surrounding sex-ed in the province. It flared in 2010 when the Liberal government introduced a revamped curriculum that added new subject matter, but it was soon repealed amid criticisms from religious leaders. In 2015, the Liberals again introduced a new curriculum and included topics such as gender identity, consent and navigating sexting. It was the first major update since 1998.
Doug Ford’s Progressive Conservative government repealed the curriculum in 2018 and replaced it with the old, 1998 version after complaints from some groups, including those opposed to teachings that support the LGBTQ community. Lawsuits from teachers and the Canadian Civil Liberties Association were launched against the government in response.
After a consultation process, the province introduced a revised sex-ed curriculum in August 2019 that was similar to the Liberals’ version, but expanded on some topics such as consent.
But Webb, now 17 and in Grade 12, says she and her peers didn’t have the chance to receive the benefits of the 2015 sex-ed curriculum or the 2019 version. Both were implemented too late for older students to receive the consistent, built-up knowledge about consent that now starts in Grade 1.
There’s also more that can be improved in the current version, which is why the Toronto high school student says she launched her campaign.
More assaults could be prevented if students were taught more consistently about consent from a young age, she adds.
“I’ve had friends whose teachers went over ‘yes means yes’ but didn’t go over anything else.”
In the current curriculum, consent is taught from an early age. Beginning in Grade 1, children learn about caring behaviours as well as harmful behaviours, and how to respond appropriately. Consent is part of the curriculum several more times up to Grade 9, when teenagers are expected to demonstrate a strong understanding of consent and sexual limits.
In January, Webb launched her campaign called “No Means Know,” a clever play on “no means no”— which Webb and her supporters say is a rigid concept that fails to teach young people how to ensure their sexual interactions are always grounded in consent. Students armed with more knowledge will make for better partners who will prioritize consent, says Webb.
Consent teachings need to go beyond a simple “no means no” and “yes means yes,” she says. There are also issues like power dynamics, where consent can’t be given, or the different ways in which someone can say “no.”
“When someone says ‘no,’ do not try to convince them to say otherwise,” Webb adds. “A lot of people I know will say ‘no’ or ‘I don’t want to,’ and the person will say, ‘Well, you owe me this.’ ”
Webb’s TikTok videos have more than 150,000 views, combined and hundreds of other young people who have commented in support.
Webb says sexual-assault survivors can make their own choices on whether to speak out about assault.
For her, she never thought reporting the assaults to police was a real option because it would be “his word against mine” and that her actions would be questioned, instead of the boys’.
“Sex education has always been a major juggling act, and what is the result of this? Inadequate education for students,” says Christabelle Sethna, a professor at the Institute of Feminist and Gender Studies, at the University of Ottawa.
“Some things get left in, some things get left out, and what is on the books isn’t necessarily what is taught, or what is taught well,” said Sethna.
In a statement to the Star, Caitlin Clark, spokesperson for Education Minister Stephen Lecce, said they “take a zero tolerance approach to sexual assault,” which is why the government introduced the topic of consent earlier, in Grade 1.
“Discussions in the Health and Physical Education curriculum go well beyond the con- cept of a binary choice between ‘yes or no’ regarding consent,” Clark said, adding it includes that “both parties” are responsible, a more “comprehensive requirement” to seek permission and to “actively listen to cues.”
Consistent sex education that meets the needs of today’s students, including nuanced lessons on consent, has been scattered due to the political backand-forth on the concept, says Sethna. The past decade of “haggling” over the curriculum has undoubtedly harmed students, she adds.
Lauren Bialystok, a professor in the department of social justice education at the University of Toronto, says the repeal of the curriculum in 2018 had a “chilling effect” in schools around discussions on topics like gender identity and consent, as teachers feared being reprimanded.
And it’s possible students got caught up in this, missing crucial teachings, she says. As well, the curriculum as it stands puts the onus on individuals, and especially girls and women, to supervise their own boundaries.
“It’s much less geared toward requiring everyone, and particularly heterosexual males, to anticipate and communicate about, and respect other people’s boundaries,” Bialystok says. And those with disabilities, queer students and people of colour are more vulnerable to assault, and consent education is not catered to their needs, she says.
Although Bialystok says the curriculum is inclusive and “non-judgmental,” it can be improved by ensuring teachers are consistently trained and receive support.
“These are monumental conversations, they shouldn’t just happen once,” she says, adding that all teachers should be trained and empowered to discuss these kinds of issues, as sex, sexuality and consent show up in a multitude of ways, in other subjects.
Since Webb shared her experiences on TikTok, dozens of others have messaged her with their own stories. It’s also why she’s working to host a virtual event in April with other students on consent education.
“I want to empower and educate people,” she says. “I’m hoping one day we can take this national, because we need this.”
As Webb says in one of her videos, “No one ever gets to silence us again.”
“When someone says ‘no,’ do not try to convince them to say otherwise.” EMILY WEBB
SEX-ED ACTIVIST