Life without the letter D

During the month of December my laptop randomly stopped typing the letter D.

So if we’re being technical, it happened during the month of Ecember.

Fortunately, we are now in the month of January – no D in that month.

I cannot stress what a pain it is when a key on your keyboard doesn’t work, although it has increased the level of creativity in my writing by forcing me to use as many words as possible that don’t have the letter in them that falls between C and E in the alphabet.

I’d say it is a bit ridiculous, but I can’t say that on my laptop. So let’s stick with the word funny.

When I expressed my predicament on Facebook, a news colleague at CJLS, Gary Nickerson, weighed in with this comment: “Don’t Despair Tina. Definitely your Day will be Delightful. Do have a terrific Day!”

My comment back to “Show off!”

I have one word for karma.

And I can use that word because it doesn’t have a D in it.

At first I’d find myself frequently rejoicing at work because as I was typing words the letter D appeared.

“It’s back! Yippee!!!” Then I’d remember I use an him: Gary: external keyboard with an external monitor at work and the D on my laptop keyboard is still a dud.

The excitement quickly disappeared. ( Unless I’m on my laptop, in that case it “isappeared.”)

And so if typing on my laptop I hope that spell check will pick up on what I am trying to say when I type words that should have the letter D in them. Other times I have to purposely spell the word wrong for that to happen, since AN, as opposed to AND, is still is a word. And the word DID becomes the pronoun ‘ I’ when you can’t add a D to its front and back.

Or I copy and paste words from previous stories. Or I just copy and paste the letter D.

Other times I have been amazed at how many words are actually still words when you take the letter D out of them. Or even when you insert the wrong letter in them. In a way not being able to use as many words as before has expanded my vocabulary.

Still, I’ve been relying on the letter X a lot in place of a D – xeadline, anx, worxs – and hoping that spell check pulls through.

For the sake of my sanity, the next paragraph will contain no words with the letter D.

I hope that I can fix my situation. Also, fortunately for the secret thing that you require to log into computers & accounts, you know, the thing that starts with the letters P. A. S. S. and is something that you frequently forget . . . well, none of mine contain the letter between C & E. Also, cows make a “moo” noise.

The cow thing holds no relevance. It’s just another sentence I can type without that nagging letter.

On my laptop I no longer work for the Vanguard. Instead, I work for the Vanguar. Sometimes, for fun, I find myself channeling my inner pirate, “The Vanguarrrrrr,” all the while thankful that my parents named me Tina and not Diane or Debbie.

A few days after I started writing this column, however, I ran into a bit more trouble. Not only doesn’t the D on my laptop keyboard work anymore. But now the letters F, G, H, J, K and L no longer work.

Guess it’s time for a new laptop.

Or a very strong thesaurus instead.