Sweet man sours marriage by calling his wife fat

DEAR ABBY: I am a large, overweight woman. I have been in the process of losing weight for more than five years. I got married three years ago to an amazing guy. He’s the sweetest man I have ever met.

Something he said recently really bothers me. He said he thinks I’m fat. While I know I’m fat – and admit it out loud – I never thought it was appropriate

for your significant other to say it to you.

I am at a loss as to what to do because he is right, but it hurts my feelings that he not only thinks it but says it. I have tried talking to him about how it makes me feel, but he just shrugs his shoulders. He sees nothing wrong with calling me fat. What do you think? -- BIG GIRL IN CHAMPAIGN, ILL.

DEAR BIG GIRL: If you call yourself fat, then it’s possible your husband didn’t think his doing so would hurt your feelings. Straighten him out.

And when you do, tell him what other terms you would prefer he use (i.e., “big and beautiful,” “bountiful and bodacious,” etc.).

Point out that whether it is a large or small amount, getting weight off is difficult. Also, it’s not unusual for people who are hurting to eat more in order to compensate. He married you when you were heavier, so he should be aware not only that you’re making progress, but also that you need his support.