Truro News

Dad dating ex-wife causes daughter to feel betrayed

- abigail van Buren Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif., 90069.

DEAR ABBY: I have a complicate­d family situation. My dad was married to a woman named “Cynthia” for 16 years until they divorced. He met and married my mother the next year. My parents were married for 40 years, until mom died of cancer a year ago. Since her death, I have gone with my dad to a few holiday events hosted at his other daughters’ houses, where we saw them and Cynthia. Everyone was cordial and welcoming. A few days ago, dad told me he and Cynthia are dating, and he asked me to wish them luck. My immediate reaction was “Why?!” I left immediatel­y, and have ignored his phone calls ever since.

I cannot express how upset this made me. I realize he’s a lonely old man who would like to maybe start dating again, but his ex-wife? It feels like a betrayal of my mother and me, like we were only some sort of intermissi­on from his first family.

There are so many reasons why this feels like a sad and terrible idea, up to and including the havoc it will wreak on all of his daughters if something goes wrong again. I feel like he hasn’t taken into account anyone’s feelings but his own.

Am I selfish to feel this way? – “INTERMISSI­ON” DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: If you are never OK with this, you will punish only yourself. Your father’s divorce from Cynthia appears to have been amicable. His attraction to her may have more to do with the fact that he is drawn to someone familiar than any lack of feeling for you and your mother.

Instead of punishing him by ignoring his calls, I urge you to talk to him. He has mourned your mother’s death for a year. Let him find happiness if he can, because if you do, I predict it will spill over into your own life.

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