Transgender dad wants to be daughter’s ‘second mommy’

DEAR ABBY: My former spouse and I are divorced and share a three-yearold daughter. Soon after the baby was born, my ex came out as transgender and now lives as a woman.

I have always been supportive of her transition, adopting her new name, feminine pronouns, etc., but now she wants something I’m not comfortable with. She wants our daughter to think she is her “second mommy,” not her daddy. She doesn’t want any association with being her biological father, and won’t even acknowledge it.

It would be one thing if we actually were a same-sex couple and the father was a random sperm donor, but my ex actually is my daughter’s father. All this so my ex can live in a fantasy world? This is causing a lot of tension between us. Am I right? Or is it OK to tell your kid a flat-out lie about who her dad/second mom is? – THROWN BY IT IN OHIO

DEAR THROWN: What does your ex plan on telling this child when the question, “Where is my daddy?” eventually comes up? I do not advise lying. The truth always has a way of coming out, and believe me, it’s only a matter of time until this one does. Better your child not be caught flat-footed when it happens.

Your daughter should be told the truth in stages and in an age-appropriate manner. PFLAG can help you to figure out how to do it. It can be contacted at pflag.org or call 1-202-467-8180.