Blogger pokes fun at Ikea hype, lists spot in line for $1,000
J.P. Blaquiere visited Ikea in Dartmouth on Wednesday afternoon after authoring a humorous but fictional blog recounting his weeklong ordeal camping outside the department store.
He was a sellout in her eyes, but also to the Ikeaites who were with him on Cutler Avenue, sharing in his weeklong ordeal.
For six straight days, J.P. Blaquiere blogged that he had abandoned his wife and three small children and parked himself in front of the 300,000-squarefoot Ikea building at Dartmouth Crossing.
For six straight days, he reported, he stayed there, third and then second in line. Somehow, he was able to arrange a porta-potty service to accommodate everyone else in line and made a hefty $7,000 for his efforts.
Naturally, to this woman and to the hundreds following his play-by-play blog postings, he was going to stay put come hell or high water. Salvation was just around the corner, on Wednesday morning, when Ikea would finally open its doors to thousands of crazed shoppers. Except, he duped everyone. Blaquiere abruptly announced to his followers that he was giving up his spot and selling it for a $1,000, minimum. His kids’ education depended on it, he explained.
It was a galling turn of events. “Did you sell your spot for $2,400 and make $7,000 on portapotty sales?” the woman inquired, responding to his latest blog posting.
“Well, you can’t believe everything you read online,” replied Blaquiere, with a winking emoticon.
She persisted.
“But the question is, are you being serious?”
Of course, he wasn’t. But his
Kijiji ad posting garnered close to 10,000 views Tuesday night.
Local media outlets were all over it, pleading to be notified first if a deal did go down.
The offers came fast and furious.
“One guy offered me a couple raisins off the floor,” he recalled.
“Another offered $5, there were a few more dollar bids and a cup of Tim Hortons coffee.”
He scoffed at such paltry bids, replying that he had already received his minimum $1,000 offer. It was all a well-played act. It started with a simple Facebook post in which he poked fun at a gaudy advertisement for the coming Ikea grand opening.
“Currently in line in my tent. #3 woot, woot,” he wrote. “I take a large dark roast, 3 milk if anyone drives by. #urbanTenting #1weekuntilopening”
Things got a little out of hand from there. He launched a blog, and kept at it.
“Last night was bearable,” he recounted in an early posting. “Woke up to see that there are now 17 people in line. The compostable toilette has arrived. George (#2 in line) has asked if he could use it this week. I am not sure as my mathematical calculations give me 9 days of use for an adult before it reaches max capacity.”
A series of line mates are introduced,
such as Ted, an affable security guard who enjoys discarding porta-potty waste. A collective name, Ikeaites, was agreed upon by a group vote of 28-7.
Before Blaquiere, who’s employed as a public servant, knew it he was in over his head, hiding from his wife in the bathroom and writing the likes of:
“The tent setup is great, with a hand cleaning station, reading section and now that I have a decent supply of power, I run my Bluetooth speaker.”
He did his best to keep his imaginary world from his wife.
“I love my wife and she’s really supportive, but she would never allow me to go away for a week for something this frivolous,” he said.
“She’s my harshest critic, and when she eventually found out, she was laughing. So I knew it was somewhat funny.”
But he insists he was never in it to dupe anyone. It was all in fun, a little running satire.
“Mostly, people were having a good laugh, a few were saying, ‘You’re such a horrible person to do this.’ I’m like, ‘Come on, now. Life’s short, smile.’
“I don’t hate Ikea, I don’t love Ikea. It’s great if you’re looking for certain solutions, and they have a great food court.
“I’ll go eventually, but probably wait three or four weeks.”