Truro News

Non-hugger seeks polite way to keep others at arm’s length

- Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I am not a hugger. In fact, I pretty much always hate it. But people think I’m rude when I don’t open my arms to hug after they’ve opened theirs. And they also think I’m rude when I tell them I’m not really a hugger. It happens with friends, fellow church congregant­s and audience members (I’m an entertaine­r) all the time. Although I let the hugs happen, I’m usually holding my breath the whole time.

Once I’ve “Hey girl’d” someone and o ered my warmest smile, what more can I do? I don’t want people I like to think I don’t like them, or I’m not happy to see them. But I’m fed up with faking it and participat­ing in this ritual that makes me so uncomforta­ble.

If there’s a polite, clear way to convey this to people without seeming cold or unapprecia­tive, please let me know what it is. — BRACING FOR THE EMBRACE

DEAR BRACING: You are not alone in feeling the way you do. Not everyone is comfortabl­e with being hugged. I think you should simply be honest about your feelings and tell the huggers that you become claustroph­obic when people hug you, and to please understand that your reluctance isn’t personal.

If you make it about you rather than them, it shouldn’t come across as rejection.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will soon attend a weekend wedding. We will be meeting a large number of people for the rst time.

My problem is I have a hard time rememberin­g people’s names. I suggested to my wife that I carry a pocket-size notebook and write down names followed by a brief descriptio­n. She thinks it’s a great idea as long as no one catches me doing it.

I think, in addition to being practical, it will provide a bit of humour to the occasion. What say you? — SENSIBLE IN SEATTLE

DEAR SENSIBLE: I agree with your wife. Be discreet, if you can. Rather than carry a notebook, it might be less obvious if you enter or dictate the informatio­n in the notes section of your phone.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif., 90069.

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