Best friend’s invitation loses appeal as details are revealed

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend’s best friend asked if we could drive an hour to visit them and their children on Saturday. I’ve met her twice, and we have chatted a bit online. I have met her ance once.

My boyfriend just told me she wants to take o with him to a bar for a birthday drink — or two — while I stay at home with her ance. When I heard about it, I said I am not OK with being excluded. He understood and agreed they would take a walk around the block instead.

When I texted her saying I didn’t want to be ditched, she insisted that I need to share him, and her ance is looking forward to getting to know me better. She also tried to guilt me, saying it’s her birthday weekend.

I think she’s rude. If she wants to spend time with my boyfriend, they should make separate plans. Can you please weigh in on the etiquette? — UNEXPECTED PLANS IN THE EAST

DEAR UNEXPECTED: The purpose of getting together is for all concerned to have an enjoyable time. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable in the situation as it was described, you shouldn’t have been pressured to agree, regardless of whether it’s her birthday weekend. She was wrong to do that, and yes, it was rude.

DEAR ABBY: My son was in a serious accident, which left him with a head injury as well as other physical problems. Since then he has also had anxiety attacks, paranoia and a profound dislike of me. He has said horrible things about me to other family members, none of which are true. His wife is clueless. She has exacerbated the situation by viewing this as his side vs. my side.

My other children are angry at them both and want to just ignore him. ey stay in contact with him because I beg them not to abandon him. Unfortunately, due to confidentiality regulations, I am unable to speak to his doctors. We have had no contact for three months, and I won’t initiate it. Please advise me. — UNHAPPY MAMA IN THE WEST

DEAR UNHAPPY MAMA: Although HIPAA regulations prevent you from speaking with his doctors, nothing prevents you from writing them a letter if you think there’s something they need to know.

You’d be wise to seek professional counseling for yourself now. No one can predict whether your son will regain his emotional balance, and it’s important you have all the emotional support you need for your loss. A licensed therapist can give you insight on how to move forward.