Oh, the merch
The Royal Wedding Ceremony was to be recorded live and released on Decca Records within hours of the service ending.
You set the alarm, you were the hostess with the mostest mimosas, you even had a cuppa. So why let the latest royal wedding recede from memory when you can keep revisiting it with a keepsake?
These reigning Brits are as merchandise-savvy as the Rolling Stones, and that’s saying something. When Prince Harry’s countrymen went on the road to mark the band’s 50th anniversary, it seemed like each successive T-shirt stand a fan encountered had completely different stock than the previous one.
And, just as in the rock and roll world, there is the official line of wedding tchotchkes and then the more entrepreneurial, shall we say, competition. Etsy is overflowing with crafty artisanal pitches to mark the marriage of Harry and the basic cable actress, but it can be hard to weave your way through that website’s clutter.
And, frankly, some black marketers try harder than others. A set of “watch party” bingo cards that you print yourself from your computer seems a bit much at about seven bucks. Harry and Meghan Markle mismatched earrings, on the other hand, looked like a better buy at about $11, but paying for shipping to Canada more than doubled the price.
Meanwhile, over at royalcollectionshop.co.uk — sort of the Amazon of royal wedding souvenirs that bear a genuine stamp of approval — there are myriad offerings to fill the china cabinet.
“The exclusive design shows a monogram surmounted by the coronet of Prince Harry, and tied together with white ribbons,” the site boasts.
“The decorative borders are inspired by the mid-13th century Gilebertus doors at St. George’s Chapel. Commissioned exclusively by Buckingham Palace, this English fine bone china is entirely made by hand in England using traditional methods unchanged for 250 years.”
Sadly, two and a half centuries ago there were no dishwashers, unless your household employed one. Do you even have to ask if it’s microwave-safe? Alas, at 49 pounds for one plate, it was another hard no.
How does free sound? You could try to borrow the DVD box set of Suits from the library but, in another sign of the times, Saturday’s nuptials are already available for your listening pleasure.
“The Royal Wedding Ceremony was to be recorded live and released on Decca Records within hours of the service ending,” the company said in a news release.
Every word and note of music from the service in St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle can be streamed on your phone right now, before the CD is rush-released to stores around the world starting late next week. Vinyl fetishists are asked to be patient, as that format will be available eventually, no doubt in a suitably regal package.
Decca has its own relationship with the Royal Family, having recorded and released the wedding of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge in 2011, the wedding of the Prince and Princess of Wales in 1981, and the funeral of Diana in 1997. I’d have to rummage through some boxes, but I might have that ’81 ceremony on eight-track.
It remains to be seen whether the sounds of a couple getting hitched can take anyone to “the toppermost of the poppermost,” as John Lennon used to say to mockingly inspire the Fab Four. Because, let’s face it, Drake is kind of streaming royalty right now, and his jams are pretty solid. Have you heard Passionfruit?