SMALL TALK
Couples share secrets of surviving and thriving in a tiny house
When my partner and I decided to move in together, we weighed the options of my centrally located studio versus his slightly distant one-bedroom. We ultimately decided on the latter, thinking that the lack of walls and personal space would be a deal breaker.
But Instagram and Pinterest are full of the dreamy depictions of happy folk who — by choice — live in quirky dwellings gone miniature: house boats, #vanlife and tiny houses.
So what can the intimacyfearing and space-obsessed learn from couples who embrace a tinyhouse lifestyle? I asked some.
Q You lose private space, material possessions, separate bathrooms and full-size appliances. What do you gain?
A The tiny-house owners I spoke with said the financial freedom directly benefited their relationships.
“I really think the biggest thing is that we’ve found that we’ve been able to have a balance, of that time of alone and together,” said Emily Gerde, 32, who lives in a 325-square-foot home with her husband, Justin, 32, and their three-year-old son, Ryan, a dog and four cats. About a year ago, the family traded a fourbedroom home for their tiny house. Now they have more time to spend together rather than cleaning and maintaining their larger home.
“In the big house, (we were) frantically trying to get by. I never had alone time, because there always was something to do,” Gerde said. “The tiny house has given us freedom and has helped our relationship get closer.”
In the past year, they’ve moved their tiny house twice to plots of land closer to Justin’s workplace.
Q OK, but what if you need alone time? Everyone needs alone time, even happy healthy couples.
A “I think there have been those occasions where I’m so angry that it frustrates me to hear him doing stuff in the house,” admitted Alexis Stephens, 33, who lives in a 130-square-foot tiny house with her romantic and filmmaking partner, 41-year-old Christian Parsons. “Some sulking has happened, but it’s a good time to encourage going outside the house for a walk. The outdoors is the biggest room available.”
Stephens and Parsons travelled with their tiny house across 27 states working on their documentary, Tiny House Expedition, adding a constant change of scenery to the mix, which has also aided in conflict resolution. That kind of anger “doesn’t happen a ton,” Parsons added. “But it feels like we talk it out more because you can’t hide in this house.”
“Quicker conflict resolution through less stewing,” Stephens agreed.
Q How do you make the small space conducive to you as a couple?
A Gerde is currently working on a book about minimalist living and home-schools their son, so custom workspace and storage were built-in to tuck their school supplies away after-hours. A length-spanning bench was also custom-made to inspire family time.
“A lot of couples have trouble (with tiny-house living), because they didn’t think about the future. But we designed ours with a family in mind,” Gerde explained. “We wanted it to accommodate pets and another kid and meet our needs specifically.”
For A.J. Zamora, 43, who lives in a Napa, Calif. tiny house with her wife, China Rose, 38, keeping their spare-time rituals alive was imperative to their design. Rather than lofting their European queen-size bed, they built a mechanical bed that lowers down from the ceiling and rests on top of kitchen counters so they could enjoy weekend lounging.
“We knew we loved relaxing together and we felt (a loft bed), could mean feeling cramped in your own space and not wanting to spend time in it,” China Rose explained.
Q What about not-so-alone time? You know what I mean.
A “We always get the question, and we just giggle,” Gerde laughed. “You just find space like any other house. The lofts we have use blackout shades. It’s not just to ( block) light (from getting) in, but it also provides privacy.”
Q But what if the relationship doesn’t work out?
A Tiny houses aren’t exempt from breakups. Filmmakers Merete Mueller and Christopher Carson Smith decided to build a 124-square-foot house in Colorado in 2011 and made a documentary about it called Tiny: A Story About Living Small. The film and tiny house were both relative successes — the documentary hit the indie circuit, the house still stands strong today — but Mueller moved to New York after a month, and the couple broke up a year later. “We started working on the film, and we both were super invested in and it occupied both of our lives,” said Mueller, now 32. “It wasn’t until the house was almost done that I was like, I don’t know if I can live in this space with another person.”
Mueller still said the unique tiny-house experience helped the pair to maintain a friendship after the split.
“Even though Christopher and I didn’t stay together, it was going through those challenges that informed our friendship,” she explained.