I’LL HAVE A BEER WITH THAT
Eatery fills the belly and slakes thirst
Once I lived in an apartment in Kitsilano. At that time, I paid $ 800 a month for a two- bedroom with an ocean view, and the landlord didn’t wear raise- the- rent kick- ass jackboots. No, he gave me a teary hug when I left.
It was a time when I went out for meals even more than I do now as a restaurant critic. I liked the contact with the earth beneath me and to escape the boxed- in feel of apartment living.
My partner and I went to cheap and cheerfuls, like in the Cheers theme song, “sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came.” ( The rest of that song is, surprisingly depressing with lines like “All those nights when you’ve got no lights/ the cheque is in the mail/ and your little angel hung up the cat by its tail/ and your third fiance didn’t show.”)
Bells and Whistles, which recently opened in Fraserhood, is the hipster Cheers bar, crowded with like- minded locals. Unlike Cheers, there’s food. Patrons are of a certain age who like a lively atmosphere, high on decibels. It’s not my scene. I quickly drown in a tsunami of sound and become unpleasant. I gobble my food and look for the exit.
But don’t go by me. The place was packed and humming and if you like a party atmosphere, you’ll like it. The owners ( James Iranzad, Josh Pape and Nick Miller of Gooseneck Hospitality) jumped on the concept when they were denied just a drink at the bar in a neighbourhood restaurant.
Bells and Whistles’ liquor- primary licence encourages socializing.
“It means people can walk across the room with a drink to talk to a friend without breaking the law,” Iranzad says referring to the province’s weird liquor laws. Gooseneck Hospitality also operates Wildebeest ( Downtown Eastside), Pizzeria Bufala ( Kerrisdale) and Lucky Taco ( Kitsilano). Pape is also a partner at The Diamond, a cocktail lounge I really like.
Bells and Whistles ( which I confuse with the names Bows and Arrows, also in Fraserhood, and Birds and Beets in the Downtown Eastside) is on the ground floor of a new rental apartment building, providing built- in regulars.
It’s bright, airy, and spacious ( with hard surfaces amplifying the
noise). One room features a horseshoe bar anchored by a 120- inch TV screen; tables are high- tops — my own personal deja vu to high chair- climbing toddler days. The ever- popular high- tops are sleek like Naomi Campbell and make floor mopping easier, but as I said earlier, I like terra firma. ( See? Noise put me in a cranky mood.)
In an adjoining room, there’s another 120- inch TV ( all the better to have one gigantic screen pointing people’s heads in one direction, Iranzad says). Here, there are booth and picnic tables and a games area with Skee- Ball and arcade basketball.
You’ll find the extensive beer menu spread over two walls in letter slats, resembling beer Scrabble. The food is competently cooked, but there’s no astonishing the eyes or mouth; it’s food to enhance the 19 beers on tap, which are “designed to celebrate the full spectrum of beer styles, artisans, traditions, regions and flavour possibilities.” Plating involves plastic baskets and little plastic trays, kind of like Shake Shack. And, also like Shake Shack, dessert takes full advantage of soft designer ice cream, dolling it up with toppings that trigger drools ( like the whiskey caramel, roasted pecans, and peach jam that I tried).
“It’s accessible, and there’s no ego,” Iranzad says of the food. It means lots of burgers ( a half- dozen) as well as salads, starters and snacks. The burgers are clad in milk buns that Iranzad describes as having just the right squishiness. “Brioche buns are popular, but we didn’t want it too doughy or heavy. Milk buns squish when you bite but the fillings don’t squish out. It holds together, aligned, until the last couple of bites. We nerded out on these details.”
Burgers and other sandwiches come with fries or $ 2 more will get you garlic fries, onion rings or a caesar salad.
The Veggie Burger ($ 15) with a quinoa, almond and chickpea patty was embellished with avocado, tomato, feta cheese, alfalfa sprouts and green goddess dressing. Nothing outstanding, but better than a lot I’ve had. The fries were done right — not oily, didn’t turn limp and held me in its grip to the last bite.
The Hot Rush Burger ($ 15) had a meat patty, grilled Anaheim chili, jalapeno pepper, cabbage slaw and sriracha lime aioli. Alas, we’d recently had a beef burger at Two Rivers Specialty Meats in North Vancouver, so this one competed with that delectable memory. The Anaheim chili ( whole) didn’t help matters because it was chew- resistant, hindering progress. The accompanying Caesar salad was bright and crisp.
Baja fish taco ($ 5) was satisfying with fresh and tasty tempura cod, slaw, cilantro crema and chipotle salsa.
And KFC ($ 10) isn’t what you’d think — it’s Korean fried cauliflower, battered, deep- fried and tossed in a Korean sauce. It’s a generous dish, nicely golden and crisp, kissed with sauce. It’s pretty mild, though, and could benefit from aggressive gochuchang sauce. And if you’re stuck on a chicken KFC, they’ll do it with chicken for a couple bucks more.
And that soft ice cream dessert? Well worth whatever the calorie toll was.
“We don’t use powdered mixes. The custard is made with organic eggs and the milk is from a familyrun creamery in Canmore ( Alta.),” says Iranzad.