Real-life weight loss tips
Celebs make it look simple, but it’s not. Shane Watson explains.
It’s always welcome when women share their life tips.
Elle Macpherson says dehydrate your food. Kate Winslet recently recommended avoiding the scale (as an antidote to obsessing about size).
Before that, Joanna Lumley’s personal tip was to pass on the cupcakes and Nigella Lawson’s was yoga.
Every other day someone famous pops up with a nugget of advice, such as drinking a glass of water on waking (Blake Lively).
In our opinion, the Alist never goes far enough. Possibly for fear of accidentally saying something like “Get a live-in personal trainer; plant an arboretum and jog around it.”
So, for all the women out there craving tips from a “normal,” I have the following:
Don’t weigh yourself,
■ but equally don’t kid yourself that coffee break treats are a good idea for an adult. Also step away from those tiny packets of mixed nuts, which I think we all know are muffins disguised as a California post-workout snack.
Don’t have the two
■ glasses of wine and the cocktail. While that works pretty well the night of (some accounts differ), the next day you’ll be supplementing your break with a sandwich or cookies, potato chips before dinner, a bowl of cereal before bed, etc. With a hangover, you can consume three regular days worth of calories. Easy.
Don’t listen to the new
■ hairdresser who tells you, after much face-framing and squinting, that you would suit a pixie cut. You almost certainly won’t. Successful pixies include Audrey Hepburn, Jean Seberg and Mia Farrow — if you think about it, it’s a small club.
Don’t be easygoing with ■ your hairdresser. Nothing makes you look fat and old faster than a bad haircut. That said, high-waisted or boyfriend jeans are also up there. Also a bra that last fit properly in 2006, panties a size too small, and wearing your sunglasses or specs on your head.
Don’t let them put the
■ bread on the restaurant table. You’ll ignore it. You’ll ignore it. Then you’ll be fighting over it and asking for more.
Be wary of oversized
■ fashion. Meghan Markle may look cute in a boyfriend shirt but the rule of carrying off “boyfriend” anything is that the wearer should be slight and pert underneath.
Don’t finish off all the
■ food just because it’s better than wasting it.
Don’t eat nothing all
■ day and then at about 7:15 p.m., in your friend’s kitchen, start scoffing everything in sight.
Don’t go swimming — if ■ you’re not used to it, it makes you ravenous.