A look at motherhood, mental health

Moms have many struggles to deal with, write Craig and Marc Kielburger.

Recently, Hollywood gave mothers a controversial gift.

Tully, a film starring Charlize Theron as a mom struggling to stay afloat, is dividing critics and mental health workers alike. Some say it’s a daring look at the anxiety that comes with motherhood; others say it’s a caricature of serious mental health concerns.

For Olivia Scobie, founder of Postpartum Support Toronto, the reaction itself is most important. “Love it or hate it,” she says, “I just want people to talk about (maternal) mental health.”

Ask new parents how they feel, and you’ll hear some combination of elation and fatigue. You probably won’t hear about the numbing exhaustion, intense anxiety, loneliness — or in rare cases, hallucinations.

With Mother’s Day already passed and Mental Health Awareness Month in full swing, it’s a good time to drag these complicated feelings into the light.

“We (still) think pregnancy should be this glowing time and that for parents who wanted children, every moment is a blessing,” says Dr. Ariel Dalfen, head of Mount Sinai’s perinatal mental health program in Toronto. And while mommy blogs and pop culture have helped dispel the June Cleaver myth of perfection, revealing more sleepless nights and self-doubt, many new mothers still feel immediate pressure to thrive all of the time.

The truth is that giving birth can be traumatic, both physically and mentally. Then come the first few bewildering months as parents. The experience can be an upheaval, and for 20 per cent of new mothers and fathers (yes, dads suffer, too), it results in some form of perinatal mood disorder.

We’re starting to talk more about postpartum depression, but don’t often hear of the full spectrum of mental health for parents.

One new mother in California was visiting her obstetrician for a checkup recently. When asked how she was doing, she responded truthfully, saying she had angry, violent thoughts.

The mother had never acted on these thoughts.

She was scared and hoped to talk about therapy or medication. Instead, a nurse called the police. It’s an extreme example, to be sure, but it’s a result of a failure to normalize mental health discussions.

In Canada, resources are inconsistent. Cities have medical clinics with midwives, mental health experts and postpartum support groups.

Outside urban centres, the landscape is often stark.

Dalfen’s clinic offers counselling over the phone and online — a first in the field — bringing treatment to parents no matter where they live.

More resources are needed to expand these efforts, ensuring all parents have access to mental health screening and support.