DEAR NETWORKS,
We have some plot ideas for Harry-Meghan movies
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s announcement that they would step back from being royals, become financially independent and split their time between Canada and the United Kingdom — plus the recent report that the Duchess is set to voice an animated character in an upcoming Disney film — has left many wanting The Crown to catch up to this royal plot line.
Meh. We’re more interested in what the creative minds at Lifetime and Hallmark will do with this development. Markle once acted in Hallmark movies. Lifetime already created a few about her and Harry’s royal romance. So we’re expecting that they will clear their slate of 2020 holiday programming to make room for several of our Meghan and Harry go-it-alone-themed films.
INN LOVE WITH A ROYAL
Meghan and Harry decide to remake their lives by agreeing to renovate an old inn that has fallen into disrepair. But they quickly discover that their royal life didn’t prepare them to deal with 19th century plumbing, and the home repairs make them question their decision — until they realize that theirs is a love fit for royalty, no matter where it takes place. (Also they get solar panels for the inn and help revive the town’s local economy and they all rediscover the true spirit of community, etc.)
THE EX-PRINCESS DIARIES
Meghan decides to bring back her long defunct blog, the Tig, where she shares lifestyle advice, fashion tips, charitable endeavours and long, candid posts about what her life is like as a bi-continental royal. She’s inundated with offers to sell the movie rights to the blog and make millions, but does she want to go back to her Hollywood life?
THE EMPIRE HIKES BACK
The paparazzi won’t stop hounding Meghan, Harry and baby Archie. Since they can’t find peace and quiet in the big city, they decamp to Montana, where they start a new life running a hiking and outdoors adventure company. It’s going great until Jessica, a cash-strapped neighbour thinks she can save her struggling ranch by selling photos of the family. Meghan discovers what Jessica has done and is about to cut ties, but inspired by her second date with Harry (a camping trip in Botswana) and the majesty of the Montana sky, she lets Jessica sell the photos — with proceeds benefiting the endangered whooping crane, via a new non-profit to be run by Jessica.
A ROYAL SCHOOLING
Grace, a kindergarten teacher, is in for a surprise when a name jumps out on her list of students for the new school year: Archie Mountbatten-Windsor. Not only does Grace have to navigate the messy world of five-year-olds, she must help the young royal fit in; host PTA nights with the Duke and Duchess; and deal with an ex-boyfriend, a former tabloid reporter who wrote some unflattering stories about Meghan in the past.
PURPLE MOUNTAINS MAJESTY
No, this isn’t about seeing Cats after taking edibles (too racy for Lifetime). It’s about a painting competition that Meghan enters, but she accidentally submits one of Archie’s finger paintings. The art world is buzzing about the work of “Her Royal Highness” and demands more, and Meghan tries to recreate the work of her baby — but to no avail (he’s now in a Play-Doh phase).
COMING BACK TO AMERICA
Harry doesn’t want Meghan to lift a finger as they set to remake a modest life in America, so he finds a rental in Queens, N.Y., because he googled and there were no American cities called “Princesses.” But Harry is having a tough time adjusting. Can she show him how to unlearn his royal ways? He gets hilarious advice from regulars at the corner barbershop, but forces of gentrification threaten to replace it with a grooming lounge that charges $75 for a trim. (In this economy?!) So Harry and Meghan organize a fundraiser and learn the true meaning of community along the way.
FIT FOR A QUEEN
Charlie owns a laundromat that does tailoring on the side, but he might have to shut the store down when the rent skyrockets thanks to a selfish new landlord. However, some new customers could help save his business: Harry and Meghan show up one day with all of their royal clothes that need to be tailored, and during the process, all three of them learn a few lessons about life — and a few about themselves.
DUKE UNIVERSITY
Inspired by his new surroundings, Harry decides to go back to school, only to earn the mockery of his classmates when he doesn’t know the nuances of American history. But when a wise elderly professor decides to lock all of the students in a room together overnight by “forgetting” the key, the royal Brit and regular Americans eventually learn to set their differences aside. (Expect delays due to litigation instigated by the real Duke University.)
DESPERATELY SEEKING MEGHAN
Meghan bumps her head and, suffering from amnesia, forgets all about marrying into and then leaving royalty. Harry, meanwhile, has difficulty adjusting to nonroyal life. They learn to chart this new path, together.
GONE WITH THE WINDSOR
While Harry and Meghan are looking for the perfect home in North America, they stumble upon a place in Canada that seems ideal. The only problem? It’s a castle, and they were adamant about leaving royal life behind them. (Or “splitting their time,” but we all know what that means.) However, as they start renovating their new palace, they learn that you can never truly escape your past.
THE ROYAL MOUNTED POLICEMAN
Harry has found the perfect way to become financially independent while in Canada: train to become a Mountie! The work is a lot lonelier than he thought it would be, but his horse, Duke, teaches him the true meaning of friendship.
ROYAL SUITS
This is just a reboot of Suits.