Don’t rush things with the new boyfriend

Q . I’m dating a newly separated man (three months). His divorce will take time, as it’s financially complicated.

We spend great time together, but I’m afraid I may be his rebound.

He says that he’s still trying to discover who he is as a separated/divorced person and doesn’t know what he’ll want in six months.

I’ve been divorced eight years, so I understand. But since I feel he’s the “one” for me, I’m unsure what to do.

I tell him to do whatever activities he wants. We share running, cycling, and just being active.

I fear I’ll become emotionally attached, when he’ll soon want to sow his wild oats.

A. It’s way too soon to count on someone who currently and freely admits he “doesn’t know what he’ll want in six months.”

Back off a little. You’re his for-now companion/lover but if you crowd him, you’ll be his transition aid.

Be yourself, but not so insecure. It’s early days in every way.

You’ve changed but don’t ignore true friends

Q. I’m 34 and started dating my boyfriend of five months after I’d come through two years of hell. My father had died suddenly, and I lost my job.

Before I even considered dating again, I cleared my mind and ended a couple of friendships that had turned sour.

My current boyfriend has helped in every way. He’s known and understands loss, is trying to succeed in a new job, and has no time for negative people. But I’ve become that female I always thought foolish — spending all her free time on a guy and neglecting to see close girlfriends.

One has moved an hour away with her new baby, another moved to England.

I’ve made two new friends at work, but have been too busy for chatty lunches.

So what do I do? My old friends and I now only text once a month. My boyfriend goes out with his best buds that often, and I stay home.

A. It’s never too late to reach out to those friends who were true. You’ve changed, so have they. But the connection can be revived if you work a little at it.

Visit the new mom. Bring a gift, show interest in her life, and tell her some of the positives in yours — new guy, new job. You may not see her often, but you’ll have renewed the basis for staying in touch.

Invite your two work friends to join you for dinner one night (cheap and cheerful) when your boyfriend’s out with his friends. Even if you do this only once in awhile, you’ll all become chummier.

Friendships among busy adults don’t require constancy, just loyalty and caring. They’re a source of comfort you can turn to as needed, so long as you keep up your end by staying in touch every few weeks.

Just have fun: no gift required

Q. I’ve received an invitation to a wedding and it says, “With all that we have, we’ve truly been blessed. Your presence and prayers are all that we request.”

I would like to know if I have to give a gift (cash).

A. The wedding couple’s invitation message is both clear and refreshing. They acknowledge their own good fortune, and ask only for you to celebrate with them and pray/wish them well for their future.

In some cases, where a wedding invitation message only says “no gifts,” closest relatives and friends may still want to give the couple something special that acknowledges their connection. But in this case, giving a present (especially one of cash) would embarrass them.

If you go to their wedding with a happy, positive sense of the occasion, and a friendly attitude toward the other guests, you’ll have fulfilled the meaning of their message.