Learn what affection is vs. assault
Q . Is sex an illegal act? According to the criminal code it is. If a partner experiences a lousy sex act, that partner can report a sexual assault.
It almost happened to me in 1995. All I did was kiss my wife and rub her butt. She ran to the phone and began to call the police. She only hung up at the last number.
She made it clear that if I ever touched her again I’d be facing jail time.
Kissing, holding hands, hugging is also a criminal offence. To say “I love you” is considered degrading.
What’s the sense of my leaving? It’d only create more problems. Who knows, the next broad may create the same (results).
I haven’t had any sex since June 1995. As long as I sit 10 feet away from her, we’re fine.
A. Like some politicians, you need a fact-checker before you make outrageous statements and try to equate your own combative relationship with other people’s healthier unions.
In Canada and the United States, a husband can be criminally charged with raping his wife under sexual assault laws.
This term applies to non-consensual sex in which the perpetrator is the victim’s spouse. It’s considered a form of partner rape, domestic violence, and sexual abuse. Kissing, holding hands, and expressing love are not part of sexual assault law. So do yourself and your wife a favour and stop ranting and feeling sorry for yourself.
Get informed, and get counselling for anger management.
While you’re at it, you’d benefit from learning the difference between mutually-loving sexual activity and whatever you were doing physically that turned her against you.
Birthday surprise for guests
Q. Recently, my good friend held her birthday party at a fairly nice restaurant with 25 guests.
We didn’t find out until we arrived about the fixed price menu of $55 per person, of fairly bland, ordinary food (pasta, pizza, calamari) and not huge portions.
We’d decided as a group to order some wine and split the birthday girl’s bill. With the 20 per cent gratuity, the bill came to $125 for myself. I was upset, as were some others.
I want to say something to her about how the birthday was planned, and that it would’ve been nice to have been warned about the menu and price beforehand. However, I don’t want to hurt her or make her feel guilty.
A. Know better next time. Social savvy is a learned skill. Those who’ve previously experienced restaurant-based celebrations know to consider whether it’s likely the organizer can afford to treat 25 people or you’ll all be sharing the bill.
If not sure, it’s fair to ask whether everyone’s paying their own way. Then, look at the menu online.
At that point, you can tell your friend that it seems expensive for your crowd. You can suggest other restaurants, or say you’d all rather go somewhere more affordable and chip in for the wine. But anything you say now will hurt her feelings.
Feedback regarding the mother of young children who now resents her mother’s past cold parenting (Aug. 29):
Reader: “I, too, wasn’t a great mom, but when I had grandchildren I made it my mission to change and embrace my grandchildren.
“I also determined to atone for past behaviour and now my daughter appreciates what I do and we have become much closer.”
Ellie: Bravo for your honesty in recognizing your past failings as a mother.