Losing weight can be easier than keeping it off without help

I love to write about my never-ending, lifelong battle with being a husky, hefty, chubby, chunky, overweight hunka hunka burning something.

It’s good therapy and, selfishly, it feels like a lot of people can relate. I often get great reactions when I write about my struggles and, occasional, triumphs.

When last I tackled this weighty issue (hilarious single entendre there) I was kind of in celebration mode after focusing on healthy eating and exercise and hitting my goal weight. I was slimmer and trimmer than I have been since way before I was married — and that was 20 years ago. I was looking and feeling so good that people thought I must be sick. Down about 50 pounds, some people would comment on how great I looked with the weight loss but others, I could tell, were careful about what to say to me.

Some people, no kidding, thought I must have a horrible illness. Especially my mother. While technically still “overweight” (down from “obese” before I started working at it) my mother saw me as a starving waif and tried to fatten me up as much as she could. Hence my lifelong battle with my weight. There’s actual healthy and normal, then there’s healthy and normal through Mom-coloured glasses.

So many of us struggle with weight. With a bit of thought and effort, we can actually lose it fairly efficiently, but keeping it off is a whole different battle. Some people say they gain weight just by looking at a piece of cake. That’s sort of true for me, because when I see a piece of cake I am compelled to put it in my mouth hole.

Back in March 2015 I took action. I’ve written about this before, but as a reminder I signed on with a nutritionist and stuck to a meal plan (I don’t want to say “diet”) that simply includes the right kind of foods — vegetables, fruit, lean protein, healthy grains — and restricts the wrong kind of foods — sugar, salt, chicken wings.

About a year later I hit my goal weight. It was a weight I recalled from high school, but have never hit since and never believed I would ever see again. I had to shop for new clothes and ditch the old ones to avoid falling into a “fat wardrobe” trap. Having a larger clothes, I thought, would make it OK to gain weight back.

It was great to hit that target weight, but it also meant my challenge was about to change dramatically. My regular checkins and meetings, for almost a year, were always about losing. I was measuring success week after week. Whether I was down a pound or an ounce, it was progress and cause for high fives.

From that goal weight, it felt like I had nowhere to go but up. Holding steady would be ideal, but motivation is harder to find when you’re just hanging in. I need to change that mindset. Not gaining is just as good as losing.

I have a history of losing weight, feeling great then relaxing, feeling invincible and falling back into old habits. A little cheesecake here and ice cream there isn’t going to kill me. And it isn’t. But do it too regularly and back comes the weight.

Now, after a summer of a little of this and a little of that, some of my clothes are feeling a little snug and let’s just say I wouldn’t be too anxious to peel my shirt off while doing yard work or washing the car.

Why am I writing about this? After losing 50 pounds, I put 12 back on. I can keep telling myself I will crack down, seize control and get back to my healthy (or sickly, as Mom might say) self. Month after month I have told myself this and I have not done it. I was back on the road to regaining all that weight and probably more.

So it’s back to the beginning for me. I’m back with my nutritionist, back on the program and ready to get back to that goal weight that felt so good.

This isn’t the 50-pound journey of 2015. This should, I hope, be a reminder of what it takes to get where I want to be. Admitting I need some help with that was step one and I feel better already.