Uugghh !! The anatomy of a cold
Day 1: I feel a little tickle in the back of my throat but it’s probably nothing. I was standing behind a guy in the coffee shop wearing eight gallons of cheap cologne and that’s probably what did it: I’m allergic to gold bracelets and chest hair. I’ll just have a glass of wine and get a good night’s sleep.
Day 2: Woke up this morning feeling worse. That second glass of wine probably wasn’t a good idea. My throat is now officially sore and I may or may not have a case of the sniffles on the rise. Still, I’m sure I’ll feel better after a cup of coffee and I’ve got a packed today, so …
Day 3: There’s no denying it, I’m getting sick. I slammed a Vitamin C and an Echinacea, then chugged a Neo-Citron last night — no wine or nothing. I slept like the dead but I still feel crappy. But I’ve got a big meeting today and the children have a packed after school schedule so I can’t leave my wife on Kid Island by herself. I’m bringing out the nuclear option: daytime cold medicine.
Day 4: OK fine, I’m sick. In addition to the sore throat, my nose in now in marathon mode — running long and hard — and I’ve added a somewhat troubling cough. I sound like I’ve been smoking unfiltered Marlboros and drinking bourbon for 40 years (and it’s only been 20, max.) My body aches. The only cure is a day of binge-watching Netflix and the occasional nap. Even my wife is in favour.
Day 5: I’m feeling better but I probably need one more day on the couch, right? I mean, just to make sure I’m really on top of it. Plus, I’m not quite all the way through Season 2 …
Day 6: Definitely on the mend. There’s still the occasional coughing fit but my voice is almost back to normal (I think my wife is kinda disappointed.) I can breathe through both nostrils, a luxury I didn’t realize was a luxury until I couldn’t do it. I can definitely go back to work and resume light household duties … upon consultation with my former in-house doctor, I’m apparently well enough to do all my chores.
Day 7: Right as rain. And as such, I feel fully prepared to go back to doing all the things that probably made me sick in the first place: working too much, sleeping too little, drinking copious amounts of wine, eating like a human garburator and dressing inappropriately for the weather. I’m sure things will be different this time.
Day 8: My wife says she feels a little tickle in her throat … I’m sure it’s nothing.