Grief is OK for a short time

Get help if you can’t get over it

A few weeks ago was the anniversary of the passing of my little therapy dog, Mercy. I still miss her.

I felt something coming a week before she died. I just wasn’t sure what was coming. The night before, she cried all night. I walked the floor with her in my arms to give her what little comfort I could. It was a painful night for us both.

A year later, I relived it and was inconsolable. I was looked after, but I needed to be by myself and just cry. I couldn’t even have the TV on. It was pretty dramatic, more so than I ever anticipated.

I thought I was keeping up on my mourning with therapy, but sometimes our bodies remember things that our brains don’t. It’s called cellular memory, and every cell in my being was sobbing.

I was OK, but quiet for the next two days, and then I came back to life. But I am a little different.

I have experienced a lot of death in my life, and it is never easy.

Different people process their grief in different ways.

Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t realize what we are feeling, and it comes out in insidious ways, such as irritability, drug and alcohol use, deep depression, and isolation.

Doctors say if you are having the above symptoms, along with feeling hopeless or helpless for more than two weeks, you should seek medical attention.

My thinking is that if you know you are not your usual self, get it checked out ASAP.

Knowledge is power, and if your doc says what’s going on is normal for what you are dealing with, that will take some pressure off. He or she may offer medication to help in the short term, and please consider it. The more help you allow yourself, the easier the healing will be.

Sometimes nothing short of sleep and the passage of time helps. So get lots of rest, and find things to do that accompany your grief. For example, on Sunday I went through all my 7,500-plus pictures to find the ones of Mercy and made a computer album for myself. It was a healing process. I did find some pictures. I had forgotten about and some memories, too. Things such as this help you heal, as does writing, playing music, painting or almost anything creative.

Somehow the creative process allows us to express our feelings in ways that mere words cannot. I encourage you to give it a try. And redecorating your bedroom counts, especially if you have found better places to put the pictures of your loved ones or moved something that triggered painful memories.

Perhaps in time you will be able to look at those pictures with different eyes. Again the key is to give yourself the time you need to grieve, and if you need longer than other people, expect that does not mean you’re crazy. It means you are sensitive and were deeply saddened.

Having an annual hard day (or two) to mourn the loss of a loved one does not mean you are broken. It means that you are very human, and that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

The more help you allow yourself, the easier the healing will be.