It’s time to run from cheating husband
Q. I recently accidentally discovered that my husband of six months (living together three years) has been having two sex-texting relationships.
The second one led to a physical affair for the past three years.
I immediately felt horrified and sick, couldn’t eat or sleep.
He’d never indicated any signs of an affair.
He’s now told me it’s been going on since the day I moved in with him. He slept with one of them a month before our wedding.
These were very active sex-text affairs. In one month, his texts to one woman totalled 960.
I’m sick with grief. He says he’ll stop and he’s dirty. I don’t know what to think.
A. Run! Go get checked for sexually transmitted infections (STI’s), for a start to dealing with this deceit bomb.
Anyone who’s that adept at cheating may be hiding more sexual acts.
Then take yourself on your own to a therapist, to probe what it was you saw in him, why you married him, and whether you could ever believe a word from him again.
I didn’t suggest couples’ counselling because this man is so duplicitous he’s capable of convincing you in therapy that he’ll stop, for you.
But he’s been obsessed with having outside sexual connections all the time he had you with him.
He also has his convenient “excuse” of being “dirty” (that’s not easy to change).
He’d need to see a sex therapist for many sessions … and theirs is often the hardest therapy specialty to achieve success.
Dad’s ‘evil” girlfriend causing grief for the rest of the family
Q. My boyfriend’s father has dated a woman on and off for seven years, and their complicated relationship is destroying their father-son relationship.
The woman uses the father when she needs help (e.g. yard work or home maintenance), then they date for a few months until she hastily ends it.
Each time, his father swears that she’s evil, and he’s moving on, then falls back and defends her actions months later when they’re “on” again.
He doesn’t dare bring her to family events, as his own parents have openly said they hate her.
I can’t bear even a casual dinner with her, and neither can my boyfriend or his brother. We all resent her treatment of him.
Each time that she re-enters their lives, the father barely sees his sons, and gets angry when they don’t want to be with her.
He then says they’re making his life difficult.
His excuse for being with her is, “when it’s good, it’s good.”
My boyfriend feels he’s losing his father, who’s being taken advantage of. Is there anything we can do?
A. His sons can talk to him openly, as they’d want him to talk to them were the situation reversed.
If their father truly loves her “when it’s good,” they need to discuss together why it goes “bad.”
He may need their help to recognize that she “uses” him. Or, he may lack confidence in himself that he can do better.
The sons need to tell him that the relationship with her is pushing them and his own parents away.
They can explain that, if that happens and she dumps him again, he will be distanced from his closest support people.
If they get nowhere, all of you need to reassess. People fall in love for many reasons not always clear to others.
Many parents have to adjust their opinions of their children’s partners, to maintain family bonds. This situation is a reverse. How you all handle it has longterm consequences.