My five-step Grey Cup recovery program

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” This was my personal motto during much of my early twenties as I powered through late nights of partying, studying, more partying, essay writing, a bit more partying, various part-time jobs and, finally, just a wee bit of fun.

These days, I’ve altered the slogan somewhat and use it at the same time each year: “I’ll sleep after Grey Cup. Or when I’m dead, whichever comes first.”

Like many CFL fans, I’m back home after several days in Ottawa for the 2017 Grey Cup. And while I was there (ostensibly) to work, there is always plenty of revelry built in, which makes for a rather diabolical combination: early mornings, followed by long days, followed by late nights, followed by another early morning. Repeat. And repeat.

After a few days of this — I was in Ottawa for almost a week — it takes a toll on the body and the mind. Now back home, I’ve entered recovery mode and after nine straight Grey Cups, I think I’ve got it pretty much mastered. So here’s my helpful five-step process on recovering from what sports writer Dick Beddoes once called the Grand National Drunk. Step 1: Get some sleep The earliest I went to bed during this Grey Cup was 1:30 a.m. and the latest was just a bit before 4 a.m. and that, believe it or not, makes me kind of weak-sauce when compared to many other journalists and a large contingent of fans: people go insanely hard, day after day. The lack of sleep has a compounding effect that turns your body into a shaky wreck by the end of the week. While it’s often possible to check some ZZZZZs on the plane or train ride home — I once took a morning flight home from Edmonton without having slept the night before — a nice 10-hour nap the first night back has a tremendous restorative effect. Step 2: Eat real food again The famous food aficionado Homer Simpson once said, “You don’t make friends with salad” — and this is particularly true of the Grey Cup, where the food is a gastrointestinal nightmare. It’s not unusual for every meal to be the product of a restaurant kitchen, fast food joint or, in the case of Ottawa this year, late night shawarma stand. It is possible to, quite unintentionally, go an entire week without eating something green. (No, lettuce on your burger doesn’t count and fries are, technically, the product of a legume.)

The key is to ease back into a healthy diet. Eating nothing but fruits and vegetables after a week of junk is likely to put even more stress on already shocked system. Maybe just add a tomato to the burger to start. Step 3: Dry out the liver There is a lot of alcohol consumption at the Grey Cup. There are team parties, private parties, after parties ... even, quite famously, a big Spirit of Edmonton breakfast where they serve mimosas in pitchers along with the pancakes.

Swearing off alcohol after Grey Cup shouldn’t be hard: if you’ve done it right, it will take a considerable amount of time before the urge to engage in copious consumption returns.

Step 4: Check your VISA statement

Remember that round of shots you bought at last call? Me neither. But your credit card does.

Step 5: Go back and look at your photos

Sleep-deprived, malnourished, perpetually hung over and broke doesn’t exactly sound like a great time, but that’s the Grey Cup aftermath in a nutshell. A scroll through the pictures on your phone will, inevitably, provide a reminder as to the fun that was had (and likely fill in some gaps).

The Grey Cup isn’t a good time, it’s great time.

But there’s a reason it’s only once a year.

Drew Edwards has a day job writing about the CFL. His work can be found at 3DownNation.com