#MeToo awakening
Q. I’m a male, 63, realizing that some of my past dating actions were wrong, inappropriate and unwelcome.
Though my wife and I have long been generous donors to women’s shelters, her motivation was concern, but perhaps mine was guilt.
I believe that if I were to suddenly contact women I knew 35 years ago, it’d be hurtful or reawaken a buried memory. Also, my behaviour was never criminal or with minors. At the time I thought all my actions (and dating) were consensual.
A. Your conscience awakening is a healthy start. You excuse yourself from making personal apologies and outreach so many years later, but at least you now “get” it. Keep supporting women’s shelters, and start speaking out against sexual abuse and sexual harassment, whether in dating, relationships, or the workplace, schools, etc.
And when you hear other men commenting that women relating #MeToo incidents are attention- or money-seekers, have the courage to repeat to them that many “guys do wear guilt.”
Take ‘advice’ in stride
Q. My father-in-law is outspoken and opinionated. Lately, it’s about us taking more holidays, spending our money more on each other. We’ve come through a very hard financial time and are working toward retirement. He knows our financial situation, but feels he should tell us how to live.
It may be well-meaning, but his manner is like a father telling a child what to do. It’s none of his business. He’s in his 80s. We’re middle-aged and he’s upsetting us. We’d like to tell him to back off, but common sense says to let it go. Should we say anything?
A. Stick with common sense. He can’t force you to do anything. He mostly wants to be heard and acknowledged for his years of experience. You’re in the thick of life, worrying about the future. He’s on the waning side of life. He thinks he’s helping you to be happier and have less stress.
Thank him for his advice. Tell him you’ll make some plans for more relaxed time together, soon. Then change the subject.
School vs. sports
Q. I recently decided to give up sports, to focus on school and get into the university of my choice. It seemed like the right decision, but now I feel upset and unsure of myself.
A. Both decisions are important — especially if you consider what “sports” and “university” mean to your life.
Sports is as much about healthy fitness as team play. To do the amount of focused studying that’s required to get good marks, you need to be feeling alert and have the energy to put in the hours.
If staying on a team was too demanding, keep up fitness to clear your mind for study.
University is an important key to your future. Apply to more than one so that you’re not without options if you don’t make your first choice. Then research the universities.
Remember, the ideas you have now about what courses and career you want may change during higher education. Unless you’re bound and determined for a specific career, don’t be afraid to try some subjects just for interest sake.
Reader feedback
Regarding the wife who didn’t want relatives visiting in the hospital after the upcoming Caesarean section delivery of her baby, but her husband disagreed:
Reader: “As a former health-care worker who has been present at one too many critical situations in the labour room, I would like to point out that although it’s a special time and we all expect the best to occur, this is a technically surgical situation where the care of one patient immediately turns into care for two patients.
“The health-care workers get to participate with the joy of life when things go smoothly, but also have to deal with critical issues if and when things go south (if it were that easy and risk-free, we’d all be doing it at home). I hope that I never have to perform CPR (unsuccessfully) again, and definitely not in the presence of people who really shouldn’t be there.”